......And these are some of the smartass answers you'll get

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from an Aussie Customer Service. :-)

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: Actually, we import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What exactly did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross-. Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10.Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them, although you personally should be safe enough. If you are still worried you can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

21. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to pay her by the hour, just like last time.

22. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

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LMAO! Oh my that was funny! My only question Sharniqua
is what time are the hippo races on Tuesdays because I want to go visit and bring my camera to take pics of all the naked stupid people!


Eliza

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"Only the united beat of sex and heart together can create ecstasy" ~Anaïs Nin


"The full moon is calling, the fever is high.
And the wicked wind whispers and moans.
You got your demons, you got desires
Well, I got a few of my own"
~The Eagles

OMG
ROFLMAO

Get those workmen’s comp form out.

(tears)

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hehehehehhe, brings back memories hehheheehehe

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'Our bodied entwined with sweat and heat
you moved with me like a single heart beat'

I have re written most of the following titles and have a few new, yet to be posted, ones.

Drop me a line if your interested in a copy.

Personals - Skinny Dipping - Business Trip - The School Girl - The Dream - Lovers - The Book Salesman - Coach Trip - French Maid - The Woods - Office Meeting - Airport - Welcome Home - Massage - Sprung - Erotic Poetry - No Begining No End - Text Messages -

erotic51

Too, too funny. Excellent Sharni!

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Sharni,

Can you get me ten bucks on Number 3 in the second at the Cross?

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

I laughed 'til I cried.

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Communication is the key.

LMAO thanks for that Sharni very very very very funny !

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FussyPucker

There are only 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don't...

Sarcasm: It's not big and it's not clever...........but it's funny as fuck!

The Special One!

Sharni
Can you get me a list of the hippos running on the third Tuesday in May
LMAO

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do you have a white handle pocket knive ? syd1946

LMAO @ Sharni!

Q.Does Crocodile Dundee still live in Austrailia, and if so, is he still on a walkabout?

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Put me on wheels and I'll turn tricks.

Clever? Nah, I ran out of that years ago. But if you find this, let me know, k?
"The road goes ever on..." ~ Tolkien

In memory of my friend skip...
Go then, there are other worlds than these

Nup!
Crocodile Dundee just got to Kings Cross when the hippo's started their walkabout

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OMG...too fuckin funny!

Now can I ask you my question[s] Sharni?

*assumes she'll say yes*

What is the plural of platypus and what is a group of them called...that is if they hang out in groups? Do they bite? Make good pets? Can you please send me one? *WEG*

*goes to find the ticket booth for the hippo races*

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

rotfpmpl! they are so funny sharni. thanks for the bump

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Trees give peace to the souls of men * Nora Waln

The forest would be very quiet if no other birds sang than those who sing the best * Henry van Dyke

some fairly sordid tales, rambles, and anecdotes
Hypothetically Speaking * Something More * Cammy Interrupted * An Experimental Vacation * Masked * so..damn..hot * Thank You * My toy, his idea * no.19 Maple Lane * I Have A Surprise For You * Yesterday * In a Quiet Kitchen * help me decide * untitled prose * more untitled prose