This is a rather "complicated" situation, so I'd appreciate hearing from those (especially women) with depth, intelligence, open-mindedness and understanding.

Ok, here goes (it gets very convoluded, so try to follow carefully)...

I have a very deep connection to my sensual side, even "raunchiness" feeling sensual to me. I also have a deep connection to my "fem" side, which goes hand-in-hand with that. This is expressed more internally, but externally through sex, such asrecieving (anal), being very vocal and generally almost "fem" where sex is concerned. This is a very strong part of me, and my S/O knows (and respects me) for this.

I've never actually been with another guy, but I love anal, having used dildos etc. I fantasize about it all the time, getting the "real thing", and feel I need to experience it soon.

I'm not totally satisfied with my sex life as it is, and this just makes me feel even more stifled. Though my S/O is willing to try new things, to an extent, that's exactly how it is... to an extent.

I am very sexual by nature, and it's a big part of my life.

Bottom line is: I'd like to have an experience with another "fem" male, or a straight couple or group. Even though there are other females involved, I still feel it would be "different", as I identify very strongly with females, especially sexually, as opposed to males, therefore do not feel it would be the same as "infidelity".

Once, my S/O said she'd have no problem, as far as she felt at the time, to "letting" me have the experience of being with another guy. Then, it changed, and became, "well, I don't know... we'd have to see", with a very almost jealous attitude or uncomfortability.

Thing is, to fully "connect" to this feeling I have of identifying with the "fem" side of myself, as well as fulfilling other fantasies that are very strong, I would need to follow-through on a sexual encounter outside our relationship. While she has become very open-minded since being with me (and is most likely my future wife, as it would seem), I don't think she'd be comfortable with this.

In turn, this almost subconsciously makes me uncomfortable with my own sexuality. For, while she tells me it's positive and great to be sexually open and enjoy/express the things I do, I also feel like I'm being "held back", in a sense, by perhaps both her own "shortcomings" (I hate to put it that way) sexually and/or her uncomfortability with me experiencing other things with other people.

Don't get me wrong, I love my S/O very deeply, and am not looking for "greener grass" anywhere. This is just a very deep and personal essence I feel needs to finally be expressed.

The only way I'd every do anything with another women (if it were a couple and/or group experience) would be if a man were involved (with me), as it would feel as if... how can I say this without sounding "weird"... as if I were actually another woman, due to my connection to the "fem" essence and sexuality.

It's a very specific, almost spiritual thing for me.

I don't know if many can follow what I'm saying, but if so, I'd like to hear some feedback on this.

Before you answer, realize that I've covered all bases in asking her (mostly) what she'd be comfortable with and, no, she would not be interested in joining in anything like this. Not that I would expect that, as like I said, this is a very "specific" thing for me to express for myself.

I'm just so sexual by nature, and see even "raunchy" sex as sensual, that I feel it needs to be fully expressed instead of repressed, which is just causing me some problems in a few areas, including mentally as well as sexually.

Anyway, that's the gist of it... don't know how much more I could elaborate on this.

Address this from any angle you'd like (i.e. the sexual issue for me strictly, the sexual in general etc.) but just remember that I am very honorable, and would never dishonor my S/O in any way.