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Know A Little About Exes
DM,
As a newer member here, I hesitated replying to your post. But, since my hubby and I are in a similar boat, I thought I might have a few words of advice and comfort.
Unfortunately, both hubby and I have children from previous marriages. To some degree, we are in a similar situation. But, at the same time, we are in a different boat altogether.
On hubby's side of things, his ex is a royal female dog. According to their divorce records, he is supposed to have his son and daughter on week/weekends he is home. (This was due to the job he had when their divorce was finalized.) But, in all honestly, we hardly EVER get to see them.
From our understanding, she doesn't approve of me as a person and definitely doesn't approve of hubby and I being married. The worse part is that "A" (daughter) let it slip that his ex said this in front of both her and her brother "M".
On top of the ex's feelings for me and our marriage, basically the only time we hear from her is when SHE has something she wants to do (going out, etc.) and doesn't have anyone else to watch the kids. There has been too many occasions that she has called because SHE needs a sitter...and heaven forbid if we already have plans and can't watch the kids.
On the other hand, I have to see my hubby bend-over backwards to please her...and sometimes it is at the expense of our family that we have now. (Changing plans, cancelling plans, etc.) He is trying to be a good dad to his children...and she doesn't care at all.
(Also, the only other times we really hear from her are when one of them has done something and SHE can't make them mind. Unfortunately, this tells the kids that Dad is the enforcer and that SHE can be walked on. The worse part is that SHE complains to him for hours (yeah, hours) on the phone about how they behave when she tells them to do something and they won't. It paints a bad picture any way you look at it.)
I can honestly say that hubby loves us all...his present family and his children with his ex. But, no matter what we try...his heart still gets broke and no one gets any happiness.
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Now for the opposite side of the coin:
As for my ex, I'm happy that he doesn't come around much. In honesty, some of the reasons I ended our marriage were due to his habits (often abusive) and lack of communication between us.
In our documents, it is stated that the only time he can see our son, "G", is if myself or my mother is present. Also, there is no set time or day for his visitation. So, this too creates a hassle in everyone's life.
Unlike you (from what you have said in your posts) and my hubby, he stayed away from "G" for almost 1 1/2 years. (His said reason was because he felt he couldn't "deal" with me.) NOW, after this long absence in "G"'s life, he wants to be there.
The problem here arises from his work schedule and that of my family I have now. Last month, I finally told him that I will allow him to visit over here at our place with "G" for 2 hours every other Tuesday. Since we have made this arrangement, things have been a little easier, but we still have problems.
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All in all, you do need to try and sit down again with your ex, her new fiance, and CelticAngel to see if an arrangment can be agreed upon that will benefit "R" first and the adults second.
Maybe you can suggest a monthly meeting to discuss your work schedule and any family schedules that they currently have. That way, any foreseeable problems can be handled and ALL of you can spend an enjoyable time with "R". (Also, this should help prevent any visitation problems for you...and "R" will know each month that she is guaranteed time with all of the adults who care about her.)
I have to agree that you should NOT allow your ex to manipulate your time with "R" to benefit her new fiance. She is your daughter and you have every right to see her when allowable.
I also agree with the suggestion of keeping a planner of dates of when you wanted to see her and couldn't (no matter the reason) and the days you kept/saw her (same rule applies). This will allow any judge to see that you DO have your daughter's best interests at hand -- and that you are NOT being a vindictive ex.
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I do hope that some of what I have said has helped. If you need someone else to talk to about this situation, feel free to PM me. I will listen and offer any advice I may have.
*crossing fingers* Here's to a happier state of affairs between you and yours
Brightest Blessings....
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Mor Rioghan
Slowly escaping my confines of sensibility...while trying my best to maintain my irrational side.
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Hybrid Mode
