ok chap, we've all heard why she wants you back but relaly whats in it for you??

here's what I've heard from this and your previous threads, basically she wants you around for convience, but says your incompetent? wtf mate?

I could see her possibly saying you can't make parenting decisions if she could claim that you weren't a parent and "didn't knwo what it felt like" but you have your own child so she's pretty much saying, yeah your too dense to raise your own kid so I don't want you near mine

sounds like she has no love or respect for you at all, nothing that would be considered "love" anyway, I mean heck I "love" having a microwave , makes me life alot easier and more convient and I only have to give it just as much attention as I want and it still gives me the results I need.

unfortuantly yo uaren't a microwave your a person, you have needs and wants as well, and she doesn't seem to understand this, all I can say is run chap, I'd stay as far outta her life as you can while still seeing your child.

now I know you guys have al ong history and your probally thinking to yourself yeah well she has her side of the argument too, doesn't matter, her wants and needs to not outweight your own, you can't be a doormatt for someone else because they make you feel that way.

she's not looking for a step parent, she's not looking for a husband, she's looking for a filler for her kids father, someone who is willing to pick up the slack of whatever roles he's decided not to fill.

All I can say is move on , You deserve to be in a relationship where you can be happy instead of treated like that , and the closer she is to you the more she's gonna lay that guilt trip bullshit on you to bring you down enough so she can manipulate you into doing what she wants.

lol sorry if that was a little wordy but i was annoyed enough at this woman after reading your last thread and the ridiculous way she treats you and if after 8 years she doesn't even see you as competent to make parental decisions? she obviously has no respect for you at all, you gotta get outta there, and most important don't look back

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You ask me if I've known love and what it's like to sing songs in the rain?
Well I've seen love come, I've seen shot down, I've it die in vain

Maybe someday I'll see you again, and you'll look me in my eyes and call me a friend.

What I don't understand is...why don't you understand her platform?

Oh Hon...she's USING you like I've never seen before...and you seem to be honestly perplexed as to what your role would be when/if you return!!!???

As asked above...what's in this for you? Closeness to your son? Don't you get that through court orders and visitational rights? Did you even go to court? I am assuming you did cause you have to pay support. Please tell us you didn't abide by a set support payment made by her!!!!!!!!????????

Lemme say this just from reading this and another of your threads...

You are a follower personified...and this "ex" of yours knows it and is going to play you like a fiddle till you take holda those balls of yours and hike um high and tell her your wants and needs and STICK BY THEM!!!!!! She is leading you around by the nose and setting rules that she can live with but that'll leave you high and dry!

As a disclaimer...I'll admit I am wrong if you can say I have hit upon anything that doesn't strike a chord of truth!

Best wishes sweety! Please know I say all of the above with a caring that only other Pixies can know!!!!

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

While I don't know much about step parenting... I was raised by my married biological parents... my father travelled consistently and was essentially around for the "weekends" of my life. He fathered us by phone to present the "united" front the household needed. It didn't take long for us to figure out that the act of "telling Daddy" when he got home everything Mommy wouldn't let us do ... or the other sibling did wrong wasn't going to get us any pleasantries... We had our opportunity every evening to share with him the days ups and downs and they were dealt with immediately. he supported every single decision my mom made when she was left alone with us. The appearance of a united front is essential for any child. Children of all ages will find the angle to get their way everytime. if you choose to remain in this relationship, i think it is well within your reason to demand that you have equal say of what happens within the household... afterall when other children visit I think they are required to "abide by your rules" not those that their parents set forth at their home... or at least that's the life I knew....

Hi gang,

Thanks for the advice. You have all confirmed what I have been thinking..(and just not wanting to admit) since I am trying to let my son have as "normal" a childhood as possible.

I agree that my wife appears to be trying to "use" me and that she doesn't really want me around as a husband, but as a boyfriend....someone to have fun with, to take her to movies, bring flowers, and stuff like that.

I think of the character Sam Wiesberg in the movie A Few Good Men when he says " I have no responsibility here whatsoever".

I have told her from the day this separation started that the only way I would consider returning is if we, she, the girls and myself, were to get professional help towards becoming a FAMILY...and that is the only way I would return to the home. THAT is not going to happen....period.

She is very content to say that I am not "supporting" her and her needs and wishes, but as you all have very succinctly put things....

What IS in it for me???

Nothing, but headache.

Thanks so very much gang, for giving me the "whack" upside the head that I guess I need.

Nut

No question that she is using you...she is now a single mother in need of support, and she is scared!!! Perhaps her behavior is a pattern considering you are her second (at least) failed marriage, both with children involved!!! Sounds to me as though she is emotinoally & financially insecure not to mention, immature!!!! I still concur that you maintain your separation while remaining a part of your son's life....good luck, mate!!!

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I wish all the ladies were pies on the shelf...and I was the baker because I'd eat them all myself.
I wish all the ladies were potholes in the road...and I was a dumptruck because I'd fill them with my load.

Altho I don't know the whole situation,this sounds right on the money! Even,
if it does hurt,just worry about your son.He didn't ask to be here.You helped
create him.Also,I would suggest,that you make a deal,with your ex,not to use
him as a "bargaining chip"! Irish

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Irish---Better to be dead & cool,then alive & uncool!
(Harley Davidson & the Marlboro Man)

Every time I read about such a situation it makes me want to weep! My parents divorced when I was a Junior in High School ... (I'm the youngest) ... my mom married my step father just before my senior year in high school ... He and I sat down and talked together several times before the wedding ... including several hours on the day of their wedding while we drove to a town 1 1/2 hours away to pick up the flowers and others items for their reception ... From the first day we agreed he would not try to be my father ... and I made certain he knew that I would never call him by a term meaning father ... not because I thought bad of him, but that my relationship with my own father was not ever very good and it wasn't a term of respect for me. There are 6 kids in my family ... he had 2 sons (at the time of wedding one was 29 and the other was 36). Pete was the best guy ... every one of us loved him so much ... he could have treated us all badly and we still would have felt the same, because he treated my mom like the LADY she is. But to add to that, he absolutely treated each of us kids the same as he treated his 2 boys ... in some cases better because 5 of us are girls and he had always wanted daughters. Pete died a few years ago ... my dad died a few years before that ... I hardly think of my own father, but I miss Pete desperately sometimes, several years before he died ... I slightly amended the terms of our agreement .... long enough to tell him that though I would never call him my father, as far as I'm concerned, he's the father of my heart!

Wish your ex could have understood the positive things her kids could have experienced with you in their life instead of making it acceptable for things to be so confrontational. (((((Hugs)))))