My oh my and your funny too!

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Happiness is not a destination, but a journey, the bumps and chuckholes are just part of the trip!

OMG that was precious!!!!

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Marty wakes up with a huge hangover

He looks around the room and the first thing he sees is a glass of water and an aspirin on the night stand

He sits down and sees his clothes all clean and ready for him

He looks around the room and sees that it is spotless

As he walks to the kitchen he sees the rest of the house is in order and also spotless

He notices a note left by his wife "Honey breakfast is on the table, I've gone out shopping. Love you!"

Sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the newspaper waiting for him on the kitchen table. His son is also at the table eating.

Marty asks, "Son what happened last night?"

His son says "Well dad you came home after 3 drunk. Your puked in the hall, broke our furniture, and were falling all over."

Marty replies, "Well then why is the house so clean and breakfast on the table?"

His son says "Oh that, well mom dragged you to your room and took off your pants. And when she was pulling them off you were fighting her and you said,".....

"Leave me alone woman! I'm married!"




A self induced hangover $100

Broken furniture $200

Breakfast $10

Saying the right thing Priceless!!

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XOXO

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.

The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says..."HEBREWS".

__________________
Eudaimonia

whats the difference between a woman and a computer?

answer:A computer doesn`t complain when it gets a 3 and a half inch floppy....

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There's someone in my head, but it's not not me - Pink Floyd

Little Martin is four years old. One day while he was pestering his mother, she said, "Why don't you go across the street and watch the builders work, maybe you will learn something."
Martin was gone about two hours. When he came home, his mother asked him what he had learned. Martin replied - "Well first you put the damn door up. Then the son of a bitch doesn't fit so you have to take the cock sucker down. Then you have to shave a red cunt hair off each side and put the mother fucker back up."
Martin's mother said, "Wait until your father gets home."
When Martin's father got home, Martin's mum told him to ask Martin what he had learnt today. When Martin told him the whole story, dad said, "Martin, go outside and get me a switch." Martin replied, "Get fucked. That's the electrician's job."

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There's someone in my head, but it's not not me - Pink Floyd

LOL Too damn funny!!!

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

Little Johnny was approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.
"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."
"But everyone pees in the pool," Johnny protested.
"Sure they do," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

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There's someone in my head, but it's not not me - Pink Floyd

A first grade teacher had a small number of children gathered around a table for a reading group. After the story was read she gave the children a work sheet to do.
After a little while, a student, by the name of Little Johnny, was having some difficulty with the work and was heard to exclaim loudly, "Damn!".
The teacher leaned over and said quietly, "We don't say that in school."
Johnny looked up at the teacher, his eyes got very big and wide and he said, "Not even when it's all fucked up?!"

__________________
There's someone in my head, but it's not not me - Pink Floyd

OMG that will be my class

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to
the barber chair, eating a cake while her dad gets his haircut. The barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your muffin."

"I know," she replies, "I'm gonna get tits too"

__________________
"I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be... I'm free to be what I want" - Muhammad Ali

Sean Connery gets a call from his agent one day.
The agent goes "Sean, I've got you a job, starts tomorrow, early. You'll
have to be there for 10-ish".
Sean furrows his brow and says "Tennish?... but I don't even have a
racket."

__________________
"I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be... I'm free to be what I want" - Muhammad Ali

A lady is at the doctor's office and the doctor tells her
"everything seems to be checking out... what seems to be the problem?"
"well you see doc, a few days ago when I went to the bathroom, I got up, looked in the bowl and it was full of pennies... day after that I looked and it was full of nickles.. and then yesterday it was full of quarters. I just cant seem to figure out whats wrong with me."
doctor says "I wouldnt worry about it... You're just going through the change."

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~*Larky*~

This sounds a wicked idea who is brave enough though.

I dare anyone to try it!!


I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men & women differ so
much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their
heart.

I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene gets thrown into a
state of turmoil, when it hears the words "I do."

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like
it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every husband on the planet dreads to
hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."


She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big,
big unnamed dept. store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits.
She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy
them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get
a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewellery dept. where she
picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so
excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis
bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw
her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, let's go to the cashier".


I could hardly contain myself when.......................


I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for
awhile..

You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added,
"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?"


Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

__________________
"I know where I'm going and I know the truth, and I don't have to be what you want me to be... I'm free to be what I want" - Muhammad Ali

englishrose,

No possible way would I try that!


But if someone ELSE wants to, I'd be willing to chip in for the legal costs.

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Eudaimonia