Hi, long time on-and-off lurker here... looking for a little advice.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a good few months now, and she's recently revealed to me that a couple of months before we got together, she was treated for genital warts.

In my opinion, she was very brave, to admit this to me, and the fact that she trusted me enough to tell me far outweighed the bad news! I think she was a little confused that I seemed so pleased about it, lol


Anyway, I've been reading up a little. I'm trawling through pages and pages of the same information we've all been fed since high school: a useful reminder, but not really quite the information I'm looking for. I guess some personal experiences might help me out a bit here.

Has anyone been in my boat before? Basically, as far as I know I have not contracted the virus, although you can fairly safely assume assume that it is a very real possibility!

How can I minimise potential risks? What early signs of problems should I look for?

Obviously, if I spot anything then I shall seek treatment immediately.

I realise this may well be an unappealling topic of conversation, and no-body reveals this kind of stuff about themselves without a little embarrasment. I think many of you may be surprised to know that most sexually active people will have aquired at least one form of the virus, and that most don't even know it. Crazy, huh? For all I know, I could have been carrying a similar virus myself and not know it. Food for thought, anyway.

Thanks in advance for all your advice and comments, I know from past experience that you guys are a lovely bunch -I'd have never posted such a sensitive question otherwise. Thanks a million

L

By the way, I already searched and found this:

http://www.pixies-place.com:81/foru...t=genital+warts

It's useful, but I already have the facts and my girlfriend has previously sought all the required treatments... I guess what I'm looking for is relation of other people's experiences, and how to minimise risk without affecting our wonderful sex life!

www.webmd.com has a lot of information that seems pretty comprehensive.

Sorry I can't offer much more help than that.

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Complete surrender should not just come at moments in which one faces overwhelming odds, but in the calm when it seems one is personally in complete control of one's life.

Try searching for a site called Talk Sex with Sue Jo, she has a show on the oxygen network and gives facts with a bit or reality mixed in. I just love her.

I do remember her sayin that a Female Condom may reduce your risk of exposure because of it's greater coverage of the female genetial area durring sex. Just my :cents:

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Definately, but it's a little impractical as a long term soloution -especially since neither one of us is very fond of using condoms together! Of course, we started out using them religiously, but when you get a few months into a long term relationship, the closeness afforded by unprotected sex becomes more important.

Thanks for the idea, though. I've got a feeling that there's not much more I can do than that, in which case I guess the focus ought to be upon detecting them early, huh?

Sue Johannsen does rock (and is a Canuck! )

Liam, I'm not too sure about genital warts. Can you both go to her doc and discuss matters? I may be mistaken but I think some warts may be contagious, others aren't.

yep, they, or at least some are contageous and they can cause big problems if left untreated. i would suggest using protection that would lessen exposure, avoid oral, wash well without anything that would scratch your skin, like a loofa. warts are viruses that live on all of us all the time. some we are immune to, some we are not. and they can spread more easily if they came in contact with damaged skin. they are also one of the only std's that i know of that can be picked up on toilet seats, underwear and similar things. the good news is almost all warts are treatable, so if you show symptoms, then get treatment asap. and as far as i know, you are just as likely to get a serious illness from genital warts as you are to get a skin disease from a plantars or other ones on the skin... as long as you get them treated.

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some fairly sordid tales, rambles, and anecdotes
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Easier said than done!



Hmmmmm, good idea -I tend to alway scrub with some kind of gentle abrasive, like a sponge. Often together as well.




Come on guys, this is one of the most common infections in the western world, surely there must be lots of you out there with at least some personal experience! Are you just all too shy to talk about it?

Well, I have been in a monogamous relationship for 18 years. I have no personal knowledge of STD's and mind you genital warts is not an infection that can simply be treated, it's an STD. Women who have genital warts are at a much higher risk of cancer. I know young women who can not have children due to having contracted this STD.

I feel the casual, "we don't want to always use a condom" is careless bullshit. It is that very attitude that has caused STDs to spread like wildfire. Soooooooooo many college students have STD's like herpes and warts. There have long lasting and potentially harmful effects. Youth and passion seem to blind people about not only the risks they are taking but the risks they then pose to others.

If I had an STD I would never permit someone to have sex with me without protection. It's that simple. She has been your girlfriend for a few good months. Did you have a girlfriend before her? Might you have one or even a wife, after her? You don't mind risking their health too?


If you want someone to validate that loving people is beautiful, STD or no STD, I can do that for you. Having an STD means you made some poor unaware choices but it does not mean you are a bad person. Continuing to particiapate in unsafe, risky behavior once informed, makes you dumb or selfish. If what you want is people to tell you it's ok to have unsafe sex then I can't help you.

While I have no experience I can say if you choose to have unprotected sex you are choosing to be a host of whatever STD's you are exposed to. If you have unprotected sex with someone else afterwards, knowing you may be a carrier, you are not only responsible for the disease you carry but the spreading of it as well.

I know I sound hard hearted about this but I am really tired of the irresponsibility. I have kids who are going to be dating soon and I guess your post hit a nerve.

As everyone here said, you need to see a doctor and hear the information first hand then you can make responsible decisions about how safe your sex needs to be and if you need to protect future sex partners.

__________________

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<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
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OK Lil,

First of all, thanks for your reply... although to be honest, it was more like a rant! Nice way to scare people away from these matters: something I feel we totally DON'T need. I totally understand your point of view, and I do agree with you totally, but I don't see how taking a rather stern attutude towards me contributes much. Besides, with this particular infection, there is no barrier that will effectively protect against it: this would still be an issue to us as a couple regardless.

I think a lot of people are completely missing the point of why I posted; I want to know how people practically live with these kinds of problems in their relationship. Comments like "go see a doctor" are redundant since we already have!

Also, you mention a significant risk of cancers developing. As I mentioned before, I've been doing a little reading up on the subject... roughly one in a hundred of cases are a type of virus that could potentially cause a cancer, and of these, only a small number will. This is by no means any kind of justification -just a bit of info you might find interesting. In the US, it is common to test for the type of virus; the NHS in the UK do not, which I was rather outraged at.

I don't know if you read my post earlier, but in the course of my reading, several authors have suggested that almost all sexually active people will carry at least one form of the virus, almost always undetected. Unfortunately, there are many specific combinations that will affect certain people, if actual warts develop then it would seem that you have been very unlucky! And, of course, since condoms do not stop the transfer of this virus, we really don't have any real way to inhibit the spread.

So, anyway, we're a good few posts into this thread and it doesn't seem like anyone wants to admit to actually having HAD an STD, which given the number of views is quite ridiculous -either you're all very lucky or just very shy!

Thanks anyway, everyone.

Liam,
I'm sorry you felt my post was a rant. My concern is that the same risky behavior that puts you at risk for STDs puts you at risk for HIV/AIDS. Some people seem so very casual in a *shrug their shoulders* way about continuing to expose themselves once having had some initial exposure and it scares me that they don't understand the consequences. I am so very glad you do.

The literature I read did not give percentages on the cancer rates but since I have had friends and family members who have had experiences that included cancer as a results of the long term effects of HPV so it does not seem so remote. Could you link me to those rates?

The last statistics I was given in college about 3 years ago on STD were that one in four college students had one. That number was to be higher than the general population from what I understood. These are some older US statistics regarding first time office visits for person being diagnosed http://www.cdc.gov/std/stats/tables/table47.htm

Here are some more current UK statistics http://www.avert.org/stdstatisticuk.htm

and old worldwide statistics http://www.avert.org/stdstatisticsworldwide.htm

I found this great info sheet http://www.siecus.org/pubs/fact/FS_truth_about_stds.pdf at this website http://www.thewellproject.org/Disea...ditions/STD.jsp

I understand your point that condoms are not 100% effective at removing the risk of spreading some of the viral STDs but my point was that future sex partners should be told prior to exposure that you made those choices and that by having sex with you, protected or not now, they risk STDs, vaginal & anal dysplasia, and cancer.

I think dialogue about this is wonderful. I'm sorry you felt I was stern but I personally think this is a highly overlooked topic. I am someone running a sex/erotica site. It would be irresponsible of me not to mention the risks associated with having unprotected sex with someone who is known to be infected with an STD. It has not been that long since I nervously awaited news from a friend regarding her possible HIV status because she had made a similar choice. That may have influenced my tone.

I think your assumption that because you visit a sex site the people there will ether mimic the STD statistics or possibly have had more exposure, might not be accurate. I think many of the members of sites like this are very sexually aware and not necessarily overly sexually active (at least with a partner). Many come here for a release of sorts. So that may have something to do with your lack of responses saying, "Me Too!" Also you may want to consider the fact that the bacterial STDs unlike the one you are exposed to are curable and since most people contracting an STD are under 30 and our membership here is primarily over that age, the possibility that the members here have a viral STD may not be as high as at a site with a younger population.

I think the fact that you are seeking support from others who are in a similar relationship shows a maturity that will enable you to make good choices in the future. I would suggest you look to your local heath authority for support groups for people living with STDs. Both you and your lady may benefit from finding a peer group that is experiencing the same hurdles you two are.

I applaud you for seeking information from others and if you think my post somehow prevented open dialogue, I surely apologize but having seen similar posts from people in your shoes, I think the likelihood of you getting the information and support you need from a website is small.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
~>My Scribbles<~
==>Gone Shopping<== ~Just a Quickie~ *~A Celebration Vacation~* ~Surprises~ Sleeping With the Window Open
What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

std's are something that many people must live with, and for most people who have one there are ways to deal with them without giving up any and all sexual contact.

but you must be cautious and responsible:
~always let a potential partner know beforehand.
~casual sex is out.
~keep up on all treatment.

there are some people who are willing to risk an std for someone else, but it's usually people who are in love. i've never had to make this decision, but if my husband had a treatable std, i would still choose to make love to him. i can’t speak for him, but i am fairly certain he feels the same way. we'd do everything we could to lessen exposure and if it was curable, we'd have waited for symptoms to subside, but basically it’s a no-brainer for me.

i was a little annoyed, but more so at your girlfriend. for her not to have told you before you guys got together was pretty irresponsible.

my post before was just some advice on how to live with it, since that seems to be the decision you made. my daughter actually has a few warts near her mouth and her dermatologist has prescribed a genital wart cream (of all the creepy things) to try and treat them before we have to try something invasive and traumatic to a four year old like freezing them off. so naturally i had questions, and i did some research on warts. lil has some excellent info links there, so check em out. you’ve done other research and it sounds like you’re going to be responsible. i think, if i may add my defense of lilith to her own ~not that she needs it~ …. she’s trying to tell you it’s nothing to fuck around with. i just wanted you to know that most std’s are manageable if you treat them properly. you’re pretty young to be giving up so much for her, but age doesn’t always tell maturity. you may know exactly what you’re doing.

__________________
Trees give peace to the souls of men * Nora Waln

The forest would be very quiet if no other birds sang than those who sing the best * Henry van Dyke

some fairly sordid tales, rambles, and anecdotes
Hypothetically Speaking * Something More * Cammy Interrupted * An Experimental Vacation * Masked * so..damn..hot * Thank You * My toy, his idea * no.19 Maple Lane * I Have A Surprise For You * Yesterday * In a Quiet Kitchen * help me decide * untitled prose * more untitled prose

Genital warts is caused by a virus. Treating the warts does not remove the virus. Men typically do not show the warts but are, instead, carriers. The virus does not just inhabit the bodily fluids, but can also be spread by skin to skin contact. Simply wearing a condom does not completely remove your risk of infection.

You should probably be tested for the virus. If you plan to be monogamous with her forever, then the virus should be no issue in your lives. Should you be having sex with others, then you are likely to spread the virus to others.

Genital warts is probably one of the most serious STD situations in the modern world. It spreads and it's dangerous to the women, in particular.

I also thought it was rather negligent of her to mention her situation after you'd had sex. I understand, but it's sure tough.

Personally, i have never had anything worse than yeast infections. BUT i have 2 very good friends that have Herpes. they are in a long term relationship with each other. When they got together, before they had sex, he told her that he had it and has had it since he was 17 (he was 28 at that time). He told her that he had never "given" it to his ex-wife, or his daughters' mothers, and knew when it was ok to have sex or not. She trusted him and not only ended up pregnant, but contracted herpes from him. She is acutely embarassed that she has this, as he was the 4th man in her life. the 3 previous were also long term relationships. she was the "good girl" and at times resents him for passing herpes on to her. there have been times when there relationship was a little rocky, and she told me that if they were to separate, she could never in good conscious have sex with another partner again. She would be devistated to know that she had transmitted to another person.

I guess with sharing this story with you, and her feelings of being "trapped" and sometimes resentful, do you think that you would feel that way? I know that from living thru this vicariously thru her, that i would feel that and resent my partner, and cause strife in our relationship.