I agree with all that has been said above with exception of the weapons. If you want to buy pepper spray fine. But no guns. Unless you're committed to pulling the trigger and living with the outcome it's best not to have something that can be turned against you.

Good luck.

I just don't think weapons are a good idea at all...He's been maced a number of times (not by girlfriends lol) and he says that it just makes him angry...I think that would just aggravate the situation.

Getting the locks changed is a good idea and I do believe I will look into that.

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It's a BOY!!

I'll stand out and disagree with most here on this one.

Keep copies of abusive phone messages let the police know that you have concerns

from this attention.

Then tell him (recorded) that it's been over for a long time and you wish it to stay that way.

If you're talking to him for the benefit of the recording, it won't be too overwhelming.

Forget mace, buy a 10kg CO2 extinguisher. This is more likely to deter him and frostbite

on his face is a good bit of evidence. It works on fires too.

Good luck dealing with this shit of an ex.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

Legally, your best course of action is to
1. Post a no-trespassing sign on your property, that way if he comes onto the property uninvited you have a legal option.
2. If you are really afraid of him (and it sounds like you have good reason to be since he's showing some stalker signs here), file a request for a restraining order- if not NOW, then at least after he comes there to bother you.

That way, if he does come near you, it's a crime. When you file the protection order, he will be served papers telling him all that he needs to know, so he shouldn't have to call you or anything like that. TN has some decent laws against stalking now, and it's something the police departments (at least around k-town) have started to take very seriously.

Hugs and best of luck!

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I am certain of nothing but the holiness of the heart's affections and the truth of imagination. What the imagination seizes as beauty must be truth - whether it existed before or not.
-John Keats

I totally agree with Oldfart here...KEEP the messages he leaves on your answering machine! Record him as often as possible from now on in and keep a written log book of all his nastiness towards you. Hopefully you haven't deleted the last message where he was yelling at you after he called back and got the machine. Go buy more tapes and change them after each of his calls and keep the taped messages in a place where you and someone else knows where they are...but not near the phone or out in the open! Or if it's digital machine, get a recorder and tape the digital messages if there gets to be too many...but especially before he gets there. Just keep records!

As for the restraining order...even if you don't believe they are of any help, it IS a record of this problem...and it's official! jseal had a great idea about the emails[s]...yes they are admissible in court (if necessary), so save them too!

If you don't want to change your number...take your personal message off your machine. The phone company might have a prerecorded message that you could use temporarily. Their messages are electronic and non-descriptive and you can leave all the personal stuff out of it...example: Hi...it's "cherrypie", but I can't take your call right now...etc. Instead...a phone company message (in that horrid electronic voice)...example: No one is available to take your call...please leave a brief message after the tone...*beep* He might think you've changed your number and stop calling at least! Tell your friends about it and keep it this way for as long as necessary. Don't delete your caller ID records! They have day and time on them!

You HAVE to make it clear in that email that you DO NOT want him to come over! Tell him it is not his "our home" to come to, but that it is YOUR HOME and he is not welcome in any way, shape or form!

Be sure to ALWAYS have people around you when he is in town. Don't give in to his mind games hun. He is playing you with his weeping and then yelling. It's a classic technique even if he doesn't know he doing it. But trust me...he knows. He's trying to break you down from one extreme to the other...passive/agressive if you will! Little do they realize...this is the biggest turn off of ALL!

Be safe, first and foremost...and keep us informed when/if you can!

((((((((cherrypie)))))))

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

What Lixy said.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

A quick update:

He hasn't contacted me in a long while, and I couldn't be happier. The last thing he sent me was an email that contained an apology, and I didn't reply to it.

It seems as though he has accepted the end of our relationship and is ready to move on, at least I hope so. I only want him to be happy, and I know that we would never be happy together again. Breaking up is the best for both of us, not just me. I hope he finds a nice woman that can love who he is.

I want to thank you all for seeing me through this hard time in my life. I've told things here that I haven't told anyone offline, even my family. ((((HUGS)))) to all of you.

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It's a BOY!!

Just a quick question here: What exactly has he done that has caused him to be "maced a number of times"? Anarchist? WTO Protester ( same thing, I guess )? Drunken brawls with the cops? 50 Cent Concertgoer? Hitler Youth ( lol )?

Just curious. 'Cause I have seen people get hit with that at a concert before, and I for one, would not be in a situation where it would happen to me twice. That looks EXTREMELY unpleasant.

See ya!

He was, at one time, a police officer and during his training he was maced. He's been maced (assaulted rather) by someone on the job also. I'm not sure of the details of the other incidents.

He was not an anarchist, a hitler youth, a drunk or anything else, if he was I wouldn't have stayed with him that long.

It does look extremely unpleasant, I'll agree. I have never been maced and I don't plan on doing anything to get myself maced lol

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It's a BOY!!

When I had my g/fs ex threatening me, I was fortunate enough to know a local K-9 officer, she trained narc, patrol, and search dogs..... when I called and told her that he had threatened to kill me ( "I'll see you in hell after they pull your cold dead body from the dumpster!") She asked me questions "Do you Own a gun?" my answer "No." Would you like a gun?" again "No." her next question was the greatest thing I never thought about " Do you own a dog that bites?" --- Granted I own 19 house dogs from 80#s to 15#s one will act like a total loon if anyone comes up but won't do anything but roll over for a belly rub if someone comes in, the rest don't do much ( although my SAR dog does growl at men entering my house he's fine away!) so I told her "No." I love her to pieces for the last question "Would you like one?" She was willing to give me one of her Patrol dogs until it all blew over, Luckilly his dad put him back in the institution and he's so heavily medicated that he wets the bed.....

My suggestion make female friends in Law Enforcement, they know that alot of the guys have their balls wrapped in their badges....
( love to all the pixie men with badges but you know it's true...)

Kyttn ( still considering getting a protection dog because she has a big mouth)

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-Seems we got here just in the nick of time. Whats that make us?
--Big damn heros Sir.
-Ain't we just.

Just a thought from a ex telephone operator....
Southwestern Bell has a process where you can change your number temporarily! That way after a month or so you can change it back and by that time (hopefully) the idiot will have given up.

Check with your local company

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Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to slide in broadside , thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming --WOW-- What a Ride!

The phone company offers a plan where if you don't want a person calling then if that number calls they just get a busy signal.

Cherrypie, I'm not suprised the guy quit calling. Glad he did but if he was willing to call you bad names and yell at you then he didn't care for you that much. I guess it suprises me more that you didn't take him back when he called you crying. Don't get me wrong, I don't know you but EVERY girl I have ever known takes the guy back. I was going out with this girl and she hated her ex. He lied about everything to her, was mean to her...well you know and he came calling back and she went back to him. I never did get that. I think that should be its own topic.."why women take them back". Thats when I made a rule...I don't date them if she has been in a relationship in the past 6 months! And my new slogan KISS Keep It Simple Stupid! But anyway, good for you for getting out of a bad situation.

CherryPie,
I hope that he has come to his senses and realizes that it is truely over. It is great that you didn't reply to his email and a great idea that you don't answer your phone. If you see a rise of email and calls, then you know that it isn't over for him and you do really need to get that restraining order and document everything. I agree with changing your locks and making sure that if you do know that he is in town, stay at a friends place until you know the storm is over.
If you haven't thought of this, look into self defense courses if you do not want to look into weapons and this training would stay with you so you could protect yourself in any situation.
Stay strong sweetie and do no allow him to run your life in fear.

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~Stinger~

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