Find the courage inside. Even if it fails, you are better off for having tried.

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Lots of people talk and few of them know, soul of a woman was created below

I can't get through to her 'cause it doesn't permit
But I'm gonna give her everything I've got to give.

I hear your sweet voice calling
out my name
As I stare from a six foot cell
And from beyond I heard the words
Deceptively Yours

Jenna take it slowy knock those brick out of the wall one at a time. I know when a wall has been up for a long time this may be a hard thing to do. But in the end it will be for the best. The wall may keep other out and keep them from hurting you but it also keeps you from learning and seeing the goodness in people. As you tear down the wall try repalceing it with a fence insted. Still enough to keep peopl out that you don't want to let but lets you see them better before you let them in.

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it's only kinky the first time

it's not the orgasm but getting there thats fun

a shot in the bush is worth two in the hand

whip me, beat me, tie me up, break my arm, but please don't break my heart

"The trouble with the world is that the stupid people are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt" -Bertrand Russell

Well I am new to Pixies but I have been in your shoes before. I have been hurt many times before and there have been times that it has taken me a lot time to open up to some one else. What worked for me is the fact that i took it slow and told the person that i am with that i have been hurt many times before and i would like to take it at a pace that is comfortable to me. you have to keep the lines of communications open for this to work and if the guy is nice he will understand and respect you wishes. If not then the guy does not deserve you affection and is some you that you need to drop him

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May you live as long as you want, and want as long as you live!!!!!!!!!!!!

You need to find a desire inside of your heart to do this. Letting someone in -- and having a relationship -- is a lot of hard work. Every day -- every hour -- is a choice to "let him in" vs. leaving him out of your heart and thoughts.

You have to be ready for the challenge. For some people, lonliness is a motivator. For others, it's a hope of the future. For me, I've always been motivated by the determination that I am *not* going to allow myself to continue to be a victim of my past. Each day is a new choice, and a new opportunity.

I recommend you take it slow, and discover whether this man is worthy of your efforts and attention. If the answer is yes, you have to find the desire/strength inside to make it "real."

Jenna....You're a strong, bright, beautiful lady who is deserving of finding someone to love. All ya have to do is want him bad enough.....if you do, I know you will have the courage to make it happen.

((((Jenna))))

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Life is too short not to love and be loved....preferably multiple times in one night.

I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them. ~ Jay McInerney

Hi jenna, boy do i know this one too well, my issues with trust and communication have always tried to keep me down an hold me back the capper on the whole thing being my inccessant overthinking of , well, just about everything. As a consequence i have few friends whom i would call close and the ones that i do have had to pry away at my armour to get to the real me (my point of view, not theirs).
Also I very seriously suspect that my inability to trust and/or communicate have been significant contributers to the breakdown of past relationships.
though not the main reason for their failure it certainly had an impact.

Having said all that I wish to convey to you that there is most definately hope out there just waiting for you to embrace it. Amongst the sea of people there is a person whom will be patient and conscientious and attentive and inspiring and you wont even realize it til later but that person will some how have gained entry to the real and hidden you. To have the faith that this is true is in you and you probably already know that so set it free and see what happens just one moment at a time is all it takes and from the encounter(s)
that you've described you may well be there or on your way to each of these moments already. It's kind of like taking the time to do more than just watch a sun set but to really feel it's beauty as it washes over you.
good journey and accept the gifts that are given, one moment at a time. schelagh
p.s.~ this has always helped me to trust a bit more hope it works for you too!

Attached Files

desiderata.txt (1.9 KB, 180 views)

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~There is nothing you can do, that can't be done~

"ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE"

Hey Jenna (I'm back) don't want it thought that I've overcome all of these issues either -- I still struggle with them, so handing out advice is tricky ... feel free to fling it back at me anytime if I start sounding out of control .... Dr. Phil says that if you can only realize that you are strong enough to handle it if the worst thing happens, then you can start to trust others, because you trust yourself .... I think it's a good thought, once I know I'm capable of getting through the mess (if a mess happens), then it makes it at least a little easier to move forward.

Another possibility, if you have people that you are open with and already have trust with, maybe do some exercises/games .... get one of those games where you ask and/or answer questions about what you believe, think, etc (or a book that has a bunch of questions like that) and spend time asking and answering those with your friends ... it's great to get to know them and yourself better and it may make it a bit easier when you are with new people to be able to be a bit more open. Just a thought!

Jumped over here to the Advice Forum for a quick read before I have to bolt to work...and I just didn't want to peruse and go without letting you know, jenna, that my advice is usually long winded (but heartfelt), and I've read all of the responses from the most loving, caring, smart and funny Pixies...and all I keep coming back to in my head is...

"It IS better to have loved and lost...than to have never loved at all"! What I absorb from that statement is that if you don't take a chance once in a while, you'll never know what you might have missed...and it doesn't necessarily have to be love, but could even be a terrific friendship that you might miss out on for not going for it!

I tell ya hun...I'll be thinking of this thread all day cause I care about you jenna and I wish you all the best life has to give!

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

Thought that I would add my $.02. Nietche (sp?) said "that which dies not kill us, makes us stronger". Sounds like a death wish, no. You must realize that any chance you take does not adversley affect you. I know, this sounds screwy, but, if you really think about it, everything you do, wether the result is good or bad, is a positive effect. But, that being said, YOU are the one who must find the inner courage and strength to make the choiv=ce and follow through with it. If you do nothing, you have still made a choice by default and it is usually the wrong one. It takes inner courage, strength and self-confidence to allow yourself to open up to someone, and I know from our conversations that you possess all of those in great quantities. YOU must make the decision to do or not, but, at some point, you will figure out that the possible gains outweigh the risks. Sorry to get so long winded, and as I said, this is just my humble opinion.

(((jenna))) I have found that telling myself that I am bad ass and also saying to myself "fuck-it, take a chance" usually is enough to give me the motivation to take risks. I know it is all a ruse and that underneath that voice in my head is a vulnerable person (as we all are) but, I have still managed to lie to myself long enough that my guy melted away my walls and eventually I was sucked in so far that I couldn't have put them back even if I wanted to. I can't say that it wasn't terrifying and that I didn't have classic moments of self doubt. You can ask him. Things would be going along just fine and that nag underneath the bad ass voice would say, "What the hell are you doing??? You stupid woman, you are going to get hurt!!!!" So I would in turn try to pull back a little, not really having the strength or will to do it. Thankfully he was persistent and understanding. The right one will be, the wrong one hopefully won't get that far anyway! Good luck hun, I will be thinking of you.

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my pics

1 2 3 4 5 6

Never say never, but if you do it's okay to change your mind~me, I think

(((Jenna)))!! I'm sure you've noticed there are many many more of us once and future relationship-phobes than it seems like. Sometimes I just wonder how anybody manages to hook up in this complicated world. I have to add my name to the list, and agree with all those above. My wounded teenage self was convinced that pleasure was simply the absense of pain....and that if I worked damned hard to avoid pain, I could get the best I might expect out of life. That was way too simple, but it wasn't until I found a good person to share myself with that I learned that alone might be safe, but it was a long long way from what I deserved.

I think I hear something familiar in your initial post, though. It's the self-defeating cry of the intelligent woman. You're smart, girl. You can build a damned clever argument for why you "can't" have a relationship. You can talk very convincingly about that "wall" and how you can't scale it any more, so it's better to just accept your life and get on with it. And if you're like me, the more you sit alone in your home/tub/car and repeat the argument to yourself...the better it sounds, the more convincing, and the more impossible the task ahead of you if you want to tear down the wall. The best tip I've got for you is that that argument, all by itself, IS the wall. That rationalized self-doubt is what's keeping you from trying for something better. Stop it. Stop saying it. Admit that it's more fear than "real reasons I can't succeed." Stop deceiving yourself that the wall is insurmountable, and reach out.

Truthfully, the worst that can happen isn't as bad as we lead ourselves to believe...and the best is better than we can imagine.

We're all rooting for you, Hon. Take it slow, go in baby steps...this isn't necessarily your future mate...he's just a guy. Don't do or say more than you're comfortable with...but don't quit before you try. We know you can do it.

G

denny... courage has never been my strong suit.. when I am uncomfortable (good or bad) I tend to emotionally remove myself... but I am hoping to get past that.

Booger.. you know me well enough to know... on a personal level... that I don't take things slow... that one brick at a time hasn't been my style... I tend to knock down the whole wall in one sudden move.. then freak out and rebuild... faster.. taller.. stronger...

osuche... I think you touched on something very important that I have been struggling with... the "want it bad enough" thing... wanting it... feeling I am worth it... and finding the courage to take the risk... one big ball of twine for me.. and that is where part of my confusion is..

boilergirl1... Thank you.. Thank you.. the verse that you posted is one I had never heard and it hit home.. I will be printing it out and posting it where I will see it often...

fzzy... what a great idea... I will keep my eyes open for such a book... I think it will be a good tool to get me to become comfortable about opening myself up.

Lixy... you are right... by allowing myself to be crippled by fear... I am certain that I am missing out on wonderful experiences... and someday... if I don't move forward I will look back with a whole lot of regrets... (and you know how well I handle regret).

flywater... thank you... I didn't look at my absence of taking the chance as being a choice in itself.. thank you for pointing me in that direction... gives me more to ponder...

huntersgirl... your post made me giggle.. for I have often told myself the same things... but in my case... those statements are usually made in a context of "ah, you are a tough broad, you can go this alone"... I need to start refocusing that voice.. as you have... thank you.

ginger... thank you... I believe that you are right.. my excuses are the wall... and I need to remove it... and stop rebuilding it time and again...


Thank you all for your wisdom.. and kindness... you are all such wonderful people and have provided me with much food for thought... Hugs to each of you.... you have touched my heart...

Hi (((sweetie))) ........ why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? There is no rush... if it was meant to be and he likes you, he'll stick around. You can't DO or SAY anything to make him stay........ he obviously likes you for YOU! Enjoy it.... relish it..... return it....

Don't be afraid to share pieces of yourself Jenna.....in the end it will make you a stronger and more confident individual........ and it may just gain you a partner. I find nothing more attractive than a confident, sensitive woman that shares her inner self. I wish I could help you more! Good luck (((((((((jenna)))))))))

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My Only Two Stories Anywhere!

Afternoon Delight

Delightful Rendezvous!

Is the love I gave her in the past, gonna be enough to last, if tomorrow never comes........

Jenna ... I had to check my personal library ... there are a couple of books by a guy who did this as a PhD thesis ... the original one is The Book of Questions (by Gregory Stock, PhD .. and then there's at least one more ... called The book of Questions - Love & Sex (same author) ... you can get them in paperback for about $5 or $6 bucks each and they have a couple of hundred questions .... I've used them in a small group for a game or for an icebreaker activity. Many are simple and some are deeply thought provoking, but mainly they are ones that you answer by your own feelings and beliefs, no obvious right or wrong answers. OK ... I'm gonna be quiet now ... probably said too much already, but thought I'd give you a book name to look for.

thank you sooooo much fzzy... I will try to find those. And... please... don't be quiet... Your advice means alot to me...

Hugs..

I have the Book of Questions, or one similar ... I'll search my bookcase tonight. It's small but very thick and the questions are all fairly mind provoking. We used these when I was in college as a method to help us understand who we were and what we believe.