|
Jokes
Little Johnny is standing on the platform at the railway station.
His mother thinks he's standing a bit close to the edge so she
says, "Johnny, back away from the edge before a train comes by
and sucks you off."
At this Little Johnny smiles, edges a little closer and yells
out, "C'mon train
While in the playground with his friend, Little Johnny
noticed that Jimmy was wearing a brand new, shiny watch.
"Did you get that for your birthday?" asked Little Johnny.
"Nope." replied Jimmy.
"Well, did you get it for Christmas then?"
Again Jimmy says "Nope."
"You didn't steal it, did you?" asks Little Johnny.
"No," said Jimmy. "I went into Mom and Dad's bedroom the
other night when they were 'doing the nasty'.
Dad gave me his watch to get rid of me."
Little Johnny was extremely impressed with this idea, and extremely
jealous of Jimmy's new watch. He vowed to get one for himself. That
night, he waited outside his parents' bedroom until he heard the
unmistakable noises of lovemaking. Just then, he swung the door wide
open and boldly strode into the bedroom. His father, caught in mid
stroke, turned and said angrily.
"What do you want now?"
"I wanna watch," Johnny replied.
Without missing a stroke, his father said,
"Fine. Stand in the corner and watch, but keep quiet."
A man and little Johnny, his grandson, are fishing by
a peaceful lake beneath some weeping willow trees. The man takes out
a cigarette and lights it.
Little Johnny says, "Grandpa, can I try one of your cigarettes?"
"Can you touch your asshole with your penis?" the grandfather asks.
"No" says Little Johnny.
"Then you're not big enough." says the grandfather.
A few minutes pass, and the man takes a beer out of
his cooler and opens it.
Little Johnny says, "Grandpa, can I have some of your beer?"
"Can you touch your asshole with your penis?" he asks.
"No" says Little Johnny.
"Then you're not old enough."
Time passes and they continue to fish. Little Johnny
gets hungry and he reaches into his lunch box, takes out a bag of
cookies and eats one.
The grandfather looks at him and says, "They look
good, can I have one of your cookies?"
"Can you touch your asshole with your penis?" asks Johnny.
"I most certainly can!" says the grandfather proudly.
"Then go fuck yourself," says Johnny, "these are my cookies
Little Johnny goes to school, and the
teacher says, 'Today we are going
to learn multi-syllable words, class.
Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'
Miss Rogers:'All right, little Johnny,
what is your multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says,
'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'
Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers,
you're thinking of a blowjob".
Little Johnny is passing his parents'
bedroom in the middle of the night,
in search of a glass of water.
Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he
peeks in and catches his folks in The Act.
Before dad can even react, Little Johnny
exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsey ride!
Daddy, can I ride on your back?"
Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking
more uncomfortable questions,
and seeing the opportunity not to
break his stride, agrees.
Johnny hops on and daddy starts going
to town. Pretty soon mommy starts
moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out
"Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the
part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off !"
Little Johnny came running into the
house and asked, "Mommy, can little
girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside
and his mom heard him yell to his
friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again
Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they
were in love. One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny
went to Susie's father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walked up to
him and said "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for
her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, "Well Johnny, you
are only 10. Where will you two live?" Without even taking a moment to think
about it, Johnny replied "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can
both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay
then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to
support Susie." Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our allowance...Susie makes
5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and
that'll do us just fine." By this time Mr. Smith was a little shocked that
Johnny had put so much thought into this. So, he thought for a moment trying
to come up with something that Johnny wouldn't have an answer for. After a
second, Mr. Smith said, "Well Johnny, it seems like you have got everything
all figured out. I just have one more question for you. What will you do if
the two of you should have little ones of your own?"
Johnny just shrugged his shoulders and said,
"Well, we've been lucky so far...."
Little Johnny's mother decided to give her son an anatomy lesson
one day, so she took off all of her clothes and pointed to her
vagina, and said, "Johnny. This is where you come from."
Johnny went to school the next day smiling and insisting all his
friends now refer to him as "Lucky Johnny."
"Why?" one asked.
Johnny held his fingers an inch apart and said, "Because I came
this close to being a turd."
__________________
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
|
Linear Mode
