Okay, long story short, my wife has always gone out with men who always oppressed her and now that she is with me and I am not that way I am starting to realise that she is a very dominant person underneath even though she does not realize that.

Because of my previous history (and genes for that matter), I am the type of person that does his damndest to do the oposite of what anybody says. With your parents, that's normal. With your wife, that's deadly.

What do I do so that we stop driving each other nuts.

Wow that was short

Well some people are antagonistic by nature. If you are and she can't stand for it, I'd say knock it off or find a good lawyer.

There are many subtle ways to oppress someone. If she is exploring the dominant side of her personality and you are aware of that but continue to defy everything she wants then you are seeking trouble and sending the message to her that regardless of whether she opens up or not she will still be denied that which she desires. Eventually she'll give up or leave.

Compromise is the key.

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silentsoul,

Sounds as if you and yours have a lot of psychological exploring to do together - if you wish to stay together.

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Eudaimonia

I was going to mention compromise, too. Realize some battles aren't worth fighting and when you do disagree, stay on topic. Don't bring up past arguments - that'll make things ugly really quickly.