I need some input and I know without a doubt that those here will give me what I am looking for... wisdom above all else...

As everyone here who knows me knows, I have been single for an eternity (with the exception of one relationship I have been single for almost 9 years). After so long of being single I have discovered that altho I WANT a relationship... and even NEED the right man in my life.... I am unable to do so...

Here is the scenario that brought it to my attention...

Yesterday I went to a function with the fire department.. training for an upcoming event.. afterwards many of us went to lunch together.. and next to me sat someone I had only met earlier in the day. Last nite... I went to a birthday gathering for a friend... there was all the couples in the group.. all of our kids... etc.... and a friend of many of the husbands.. a single guy (the same guy from earlier in the day)... of course the seat next to me was the only empty one (by my best friends design I believe)... and we began to talk.. a nice guy... a really nice guy actually... asked alot of questions about me... shared alot of details about himself.. walked me out... gave me a hug (and a kiss on my neck)...

Now... I got the definite impression that he wants to see me again...

The problem is.... I am chicken... flat out... absolutely chicken (suddenly as I type this Skip comes to my mind).... after being alone sooo long... it is very hard to consider allowing someone to get to know me on that level... to let that wall down... to allow myself to be vulnerable.

Okay... to get something straight.. this guy I met yesterday is very nice... very nice... very positive... very family oriented.. but I am certainly not looking at this as a life time partner possibility... I can't even consider anything more than a friend.... if that... because by having that.. or anything more... I have to open myself up....

Geez... life is soooo damn complicated. So my question... how do you force yourself to take the chance.. to open yourself up to another person...

Jenna, this is a very good question and I wish I could help, but I'm afraid I have a hard time myself trusting someone enough to open up. Good luck sweetie {{{{hugs}}}}}

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I like the bed I'm sleeping in, just like me it's broken in; it's not old -- just older.
Like a favorite pair of torn blue jeans, this skin I'm in it's alright with me; it's not old -- just older.....Bon Jovi

I'm gonna sit here and wait with you Jenna on the answer to this one, as I have precisely the same problem... it's a mind game, if I don't open myself up to someone ... anyone, they can't hurt me, right?!?! And therefore alone I am taking no risks and experiencing no rewards or losses, but not overly thrilled to be alone either.

Thank you TinTennessee & maddy.... I am glad to know that I am not the only one fighting with this question...

No matter how much I say I want to find the right man to spend time with... I am cripled by fear to do so...

Darlin' I hope I can help you a little as I seem to have the opposite problem. I can't seem to NOT let the damn wall down lately. First Stop, right here and now. Don't take anything further than it's gone. If he asks you out say yes and only see it as a date for today with a friend. If shit moves too fast, say whoa, boy.... take it slow. Take things one day at a time and don't worry about where it's going or where it might lead. If the walls are supposed to come down.... no sumbich can keep 'em up. Just LET things happen and don't freeze them out. If he ain't nice, report his address to us Pixie boys and we'll dispense of him. ;-)

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As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will. He will be sure to repent - Socrates

Love is not looking in each other's eyes, but looking together in the same direction - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

(((BigBear57)))

You should know by now how much your advice means to me.... and you know me well enough to know that I am one of those that have a difficult time with the approach and the anticipation... no happy medium for me...

(((((((((Jenna))))))))) Hon I wish Ya the very best, I hope you knew that already. Just put one foot ahead of the other and let it happen. I'm in a shituation now that's almost similar.... I'm waitin' but nothin's happenin' and I don't have a clue in hell what to do but wait and other prospects are suddlenly showin' up. Just when I thought I knew where I was supposed to be.... somebody changed where I am. Ain't that the shits?

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As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take which course he will. He will be sure to repent - Socrates

Love is not looking in each other's eyes, but looking together in the same direction - Antoine De Saint-Exupery

I wish I had some good advice... (((jenna))) everything in life involves risk just various level of it

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The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
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(((Jenna)))

You just have to take a deep breath, swallow your fear, and go on with things hon. I know that sounds so much easier than it is.

Your past relationship may be been bad, or ended badly, but that doesn't mean this one will be the same. If you don't try, you'll never have anything at all. Best of luck to you.

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It's a BOY!!

Thank you Lilith.. and cherrypie

Yes.. everything in life takes risks... even the things we do everyday... but those things are done so often that the risk is often forgotten or disregarded...

If over the last 10 years I made a habit of moving from one relationship to another.. this wouldn't be a problem... but the truth is that (even on the friendship level) I am very select on who I allow close to me... (even here)... the group of friends I have.. is large... but tight and it isn't often that new people get close to me... takes lots of time for me......

just the quirky person I am...

It seems you are trying to make a per-programmed robot to put a jig saw puzzle together before you have dumped the pieces on the table. Maybe try just taking the pieces as they come. You’re only putting the edge pieces together now. Go ahead and turn all the colored-side up as you find them.

I think it would be way too hard to grab a random piece and start on a hunt to find where it exactly fits. You only take the parts with one straight edge and start slow. You’ll know when you find a corner piece with two straight edges. After you’ve worked your way around with all the straight pieces, you’ll know the size of the frame.

Your puzzle came in a plain brown wrapper. Don’t decide what the picture is yet.

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Baby steps Jenna....one day at a time.

Be honest with him and yourself about how you feel if you start to see him. If the lines of communication are open and honest you will know whether to venture forth or not. Sometimes facing the possibility of what we have been wanting is scary and we turn our back in haste with fear of being hurt. Sometimes you just have to go with the flow and see what happens....with guarded optimism. Good Luck Jenna.

I can't say that I'm a whole lot better at this then you Jenna ... but I did realize something several years ago that helps me to open up to people much more then what I used to do .... Do you really think that you aren't being hurt by not opening up ... are you getting the love that you want? You are still hurt, just not allowing others to see it ... you may be maintaining some sense of pride, but that doesn't mean you don't still cry (inside or outside) at being alone ... at least that's how it's been for me. People hurt us ... it happens all the time ... but not having people hurts us too! Hope you find a way to move forward toward more joy and less pain!!!! (((((Jennaflower)))))

PF... your puzzle analogy is rather fitting... Thank you wise one.... I am going to try my best to take my time... and not rush to see the picture.. or guess what it is...

BIBI... one day at a time... a concept that I have never been able to master... but I will try....

Hugs.. and thank you both...

fzzy... you are right... I hurt myself by keeping the distance... probably doing more damage in the long run to myself than any pain another individual could ever do to me.... but knowing it with my head... and knowing it in my heart... are two different things...

thank you for pointing it out to me...

Even if he were to be nothing more than a friend... that I know is worth the risk...