Alright, I’ve got a lot on my mind right now so I’ll just throw out any questions that come to me. Oh yeah, you might wanna get comfortable because I got a feeling this is gonna take a while.

1. How long does it take to get over someone?
2. How do you know when you are over someone?
3. How do you get over someone?

Ok, here’s the situation. Around the beginning of February of last year me and my (ex)wife split up. When she left a bunch of different things started happening. In the beginning, I would dream about her almost every night. But even now, I wake up reaching for her/wondering where she is so that I could give her a good morning kiss. I’ve always been a chronic insomniac so sleep for me has never been very reliable. But I swear to god, I just can’t sleep unless I’ve got a nice warm body to snuggle up to.

Here are my feelings about Laura. She’s uptight, demanding, and close-minded and I have no interest whatsoever in having anything more than MAYBE a purely physical relationship. I’m not really too sure what her opinion of me at this point. However, considering the fact that she left my ass in the first place and the fact that the last time we talked I called her a toothless bitch. She’s always had bad teeth and been very self-conscious. Basically it was a low blow and I admit it but I was mad and felt she deserved it.

Ever since she’s left I’ve been trying to figure out when I attraction to her the actual person ended. Or, if it ever existed in the first place. Our first date consisted of hanging out at the mall for a little bit with some friends. Pretty much as soon as we left the mall we started making out in the back seat. By the end of the night we were having sex on the living room couch at her place. Like 3 weeks later I moved into her place basically just so we could have sex all day. Which we did. I’ll admit, at this point between my dick speaking on my behalf and me not wanting to upset her, I led her to think that I was a lot more serious about the relationship than what I actually was.

Somewhere along the line the sex ended, she started taking advantage of my kindness, and I felt that we were more like roommates than a couple. I’m a giver, it pleases me to please others. I don’t expect any kind of reward or anything. What would be best is someone who gave as much as I give but that would be asking a lot so I don’t expect that. I would even be satisfied with someone who simply showed their appreciation for my efforts. But soon after the “honeymoon” ended with us she started expecting the things I had been doing and even got upset when I didn’t do them. I don’t think she ever really showed appreciation for my actions. She’d had a lot of bad relationships in the past and I had always said that the way I treated her is just the way every other guy should have treated her. In the beginning, a lot of the special things I did for her was either before, during, or after sex. When I’ve just had amazing sex with someone for like the 5th time that day, I’m in a very giving mood. I figured that maybe if I do these things long enough some of my good traits would rub off on her or something. The point is that nearly 4 years later I finally realized that she’s never going to change and that I’ve given enough. After over 3 years of me damn near being her 24-hour maid/doormat, I just quit doing everything. She’d start one of her usual bitching sprees and I’d do the whole ‘nod and grunt’ thing. She’d want something from me, I’d come up with an excuse. Basically, unless she wanted to talk about the very obvious problems with our relationship or show a little gratitude I was interested. Period, end of conversation. She left soon there after. I knew that at that point, I couldn’t confront her about our problems because of fear of hurting her. I also knew that I couldn’t leave her for the same reason. I figured she’d either break down and talk to me or leave me, both were an acceptable outcome.

Right now, what I’m struggling with is why in the hell is she still on my mind so much. The bottom line is that the actual personality of Laura is a total turn off to me. But the role that she played in my life, I still find very attractive and totally desirable. I know that I want companionship, I’m not that slow. But I’ve had a lot of different experiences with a lot of different people since her, not to mention the fact I look at porno all day. Why do I still look at my pillow half asleep and see her face. Why do I have dreams about doing nothing more than holding her close to me, why can I still feel her skin, why do I still automatically lift my legs to the position they’d be in if I was spooning her and enjoying the feeling of her warm ass against my thighs.

That’s what’s bugging me most is why after all this time, it still hits me in the morning “she’s gone... what now?” I’m just totally confused, I’ve been wracking my brain trying to figure all this out and I need help. So please, help me figured out what the hell is going on in my messed up mind.

Thanks everyone, have a nice day

1. You don't get over someone, you grow past them.

2. You know you're past them when you can say to yourself that you hope they're happy, just not around you.

3. It takes as long as it takes.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

well every case is individual, myself my old ex by the name of shauna it took me quite a while to get over, although I moved onto another serious relationship after only about six months, it wasn't until about 2 years or so that I stopped thinking about her at all, till then I'd still have the occational thought when something would remind me of her

we left on pretty shaky ground but nowadays I do wish her the best of luck with her new husband occationally I still take a peek in to her webpage to see how things are going for her I like kepting track of old friends of mine

ya can't really rush things though, it will happen in it's own time lol which as someone' whos been there I know is a really shitty answer, but it doesn't get much better, grin and bear it I suppose , things will get better chap will just take some time

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You ask me if I've known love and what it's like to sing songs in the rain?
Well I've seen love come, I've seen shot down, I've it die in vain

Maybe someday I'll see you again, and you'll look me in my eyes and call me a friend.

You can tell this man is Aussie, he says smart things.

Right on the money there OF.

CasperTG.

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You know, Blackadder, for me socks are like sex. Tons of it about and I never seem to get any.

My Photos:
https://imgur.com/a/80hiRdm

I don't have any spiffy advice to offer. I have no answers at all. If I did I swear to god I'd write a damned book and be a millionaire.

But it seems to me that you have lost your sense of value. Remember YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING! She obviously didn't think you were. She, therefore, is not worth your time.

Tell yourself this everymorning when you wake up. think of something shitty she did to you. Anger is the easiest emotion to deal with. Pretty soon, you will get tired of being angry and come to accept the dissolution of your marraige.

And if that doesn't work, go knock off some brewskis.

Wow, i guess i had advice after all.

My heart bleeds for you - for many many reasons.

LAW

Thanks everyone for all your advice. I don't know if I'd go as far as to say that I wish her the best. It's more of a situation of just not caring. I don't want anything bad to happen to her but I decided a long time ago that she's just not worth my time.

I've always had really low self esteem. I'm just not capable of understanding what it's like to actually love yourself. I've rarely even liked myself much less loved. I look at things completely backwards from most people. It's not so much that I have a pestimistic point of view, it's just that I look at things as a whole and as unbiased as possible. I also realize that I have a ton of things going for me and there's a lot about me that I should feel proud about. But deep enough down, there's just as much if not a helluva lot more bad stuff about me as there is good. I see myself as a younger version of my father. What I mean by that is the only person on this earth that can live with him/me is his/my mother. It's a long depressing conversation but basically everyone who has lived with my dad has either wanted to kill him or hill theirself.

I kinda see myself as someone who would be best as something like weekend boyfriend or something. My experience has shown that the more time a woman is with me, the higher the chances are of her taking advantage of me and/or leaving me.

My brother was telling me to be more assertive and to make my wants and priorities more of a priority and everything. But the problem is that I just don't know how to do that. I mean if any given woman were to ask me what I wanted or what would make me happy, my god's honest true answer would be to do whatever would make her happy. With my mental problems and everything, there's a lot of times where nothing is going to make me happy. It's always been like that so I've never been able to find something that I truely enjoy, well except sex. I mean seriously, I've heard of people who actually enjoy eating a delicious meal. It could be the best meal I've ever had and I would still see it as nothing more than a daily nutritional requirement. I don't have any hobbies, I have like just a very few video games that I never play. I never buy any new CD's. I think I've been to the movie theatre like once in the past five years. What do I do all day, sit around watch movies that I know by heart and keep the house as clean as possible. That's what my life consists of.

Anyway, this post is being uploaded in good spirits. I'm not really happy, I never am but I'm not depressed either. I just don't care anymore, good, bad, I can't control it either way so why worry about it.

Anywho, if anyone out there has any more wonderful words of wisdom for me, I could sure use it.

Survey says.....clinical depression.

Which you already know.

Are you getting help for it? If not, I recommend it. You are NOT crazy, you just need help sorting shit out. that's cool, it happens to everyone. it's just that some people are not strong enough to ask for help or don't even realize there is a problem. You do and that's good. Now get some help to deal with it, becuase YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY - AND NOT JUST EXIST.

lmao - well I've been getting help with all this since like 8th grade and according to all the doctors, I AM nuts! To be honest, every dr. I've ever seen has eventually come to the point where they just don't know what to do for me. I'm such an extreme case in SOOOOOO many different areas of psychology that no one knows what to with for me. I'm in the process now of trying to find someone new. Another big problem is that I've educated myself so much about psychology itself that the shrinks out there just to make money, I'll fuck with them just to throw me out because they will never do me any good.

I don't know how many of you know the conditions in which treatment is handled now a days but for those that don't and are interested, listen up.

If the average person with a diagnosed mental disorder (anything from mild depression to all the shit I have) were to go in to talk to someone about how they feel in hopes of getting some type of treatment, this is how it would go. You would go in, wait forever and a day, be rushed back into some corner office (for privacy), in which the dr. would ask you all the questions of psych 101.
Do you think your depressed, have you ever thought about suicide, if so do you just think about it or plan something, if you planned something, what did you plan, what do you do on your average day, what kind of diet/eeating habbits do you have, do you do any drugs, if so what kinds and how often, what is your sleep schedule like, if you've had trouble sleeping, how long has this been going on.
As you're answering all these questions they'll be jotting down abbreviated answers to the questions. After which, THAT doctor will leave the room go talk to someone who's never even seen me. Before they leave to come back in and see you, they've already decided on the treatment. If that treatment is a medicine then it'll be narrowed down into a group of just a few medications. This is all before the actual doctor in charge has ever even seen my face.
Nowadays most dr's think enough pills will fix anything (WRONG!!!!) so they're much more likely to try every pill ever made before they suggest sending you to a specialist which is very expensive and that dr doesn't get a dime of it. So anyway, the dr in charge will come in, do all of a 5 minute interrogation before finding out what meds you've already been on to narrow down that predecided list of drugs. Once that's been done he tells the other doc to write the script, shakes your hand and you never see him again. If you come back later, it'll be the same damn thing just with a different head doctor.

That is the treatment possibilities of today, a world where a simple piece of printed paper is more valuable than life itself. Those are the people in charge of helping those in need of hope. Those are the people who leave people like me feeling that they'd rather be messed up in the head rather than risk going through THAT and getting ever more messed up. That kind of treatment is NOT capable of helping me. Frankly, I can't see how it helps anyone but the fat-cats with constantly filled wallets.

Sorry about that folks, it's just that this kind of treatment is a real hot button topic of mine and I just had to get it off my chest.

Oh soul! Ever think of changing doc's? I know...I know...you'll say I've changed more doc's than most people change underwear...but it seems to me that you have to get a doc that AGREES with YOU! You are a stubborn soul and you seem to disagree with anything anyone says! (<---knows you'll disagree with that statement).

I swear baby...I ain't mocking you! It just seems to me that you know the answers you want to hear while you are typing the questions. If you don't see those answers here...you justify! If you do that here, it only makes me think that you've probably done that your whole life in dealing with all the doc's/peeps who have been trying to help you.

After all this time in "knowing" you here at Pixies...I think you have to seek a doc who will tell you what YOU want to hear! Your only quest is to know what that is and recognize it when you hear it!

*hugs n kisses*

Hope you find your answers!

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

Well I have been searching for the right doc for quite some time now. At this point, the biggest challenge for me right now is simply finding a doc that will actually sit down and just let me ramble on. The problem there is that medicaid doesn't cover that type of stuff so I'll have to pay out the ass for it. The problem THERE is the fact that me and all my family are flat broke. Hopefully that will change by the beginning of the year. No worries though, it always works out.

Something that I thought about recently is the fact that I don't know what is the normal state of being "happy" is. Usually I'm either depressed, 'eh', or bouncing off the freakin walls. But a little bit before the last one is where it's just I'm too mixed up in living life to the fullest to get all that stressed out about life. Up until now I've considered being that way a bad thing because that's not the way I've ever acted or any of my family acts. But considering I'm the type "that's always up for another hole in my head (piercings)", I've been the black sheep of my family for a while now. My biggest danger is that I spend money I don't always have. I think all I've gotta do is leave my wallet at home at stop worrying so much about classifying my current mental status.

Like I said, no worries, it always ends up working out in the end anyway. It's just a matter of faith and that's one thing that I have in great supply.

later everybody

OK...listen up! I ain't no doctor and I don't pretend to be!

I've heard, and listened, and somewhat understand your personal circumstance. I don't know you personally...but I know a lot about you from your "from the heart" expressions here. I've lived with a member of my family with a psychological disorder. I'm guessing that you feel "alone". I'm guessing that you feel like no one understands you. I'm guessing that you feel like no one will ever understand you BECAUSE they are not you and can't possably walk a mile in your shoes!

Many a man/woman HAS walked in your shoes! Many have before you, and many more will after you! Your disorder isn't unique to you. Stop defended the land you walk on as if no one has ever been there before! At the very least, open your mind enough to know that you have something that others are dealing with, and coping very well with, on a daily basis!

Did it ever occur to you that drugs may have molded your life? I'm not saying to get off the drug treatment a doc may have prescribed...but you say that you don't think you know what "happy" is...and it could be because of the diverse amounts of drugs you are on for all the doctors you have seen who think THEY have your cure!

In finding a doc that you trust (don't discount it or it may never happen) and working with him/her to realize your "correct count and amount"...you might take charge of your life and therefore your feelings/emotions.

Back to your original intent of this thread...

You loved and lost...she wasn't ideal and you found that out! Count your blessings and remember the good times and don't lose yourself in the pity of losing! Just remember the old saying..."Tis better to have love and lost, than to never have loved at all"!

As to giving so much of yourself as to make her feel good and therefore you feel good...have you learned anything from that? You kept saying that you expected nothing in return...but in all honesty, YES you did! You reap what you sow soul! Don't give your all to someone with personal underlying expectations. You say you don't do it...but your post[s] PROCLAIMS it!

Most of my friends and family members who have needed medication for a psycological disorder have, more frequently than not, stopped taking the drugs in thinking they are "cured" and don't need any further assistance. I feel in my heart there is a happy medium for you. Stop making excuses for yourself...and instead of using all of your energy in resistance...reach deep down and find the resources to heal yourself. YES...it's possible! The system isn't against you...YOU are against the system (understandable...but conquerable!).

As soon as you can...FORGIVE YOURSELF! Your marriage failed...YES...but you aren't a failure because of it. It is a lesson and you should learn from it instead of making it the martyr in your saga...which we all call "life"!

Understand?

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Minds are like parachutes. They only work when they are open.

~Thomas Dewar~

I understand all to well.

Actually I know for a fact that I am not alone. Both of my parents have suffered from chronic depression. My mother much more so than my father. Basically, everything I am dealing with now, my mom has dealt with all her life. You see, my parents never knew how to be happy, I never had any childhood friends to hang out with, I was just never exposed to the feeling of being happy.

I have a feeling that you think that I'm handling this much worse than I actually am. I've dealt with this for the majority of my life and I'm starting to get the hang of it. I know that I am not alone and I know that I will never be "cured." I used to look at the fact that I have to take a pill everyday as a weakness. I've learned differently, it's neither good nor bad, it simply is and I have accepted that.

My mind could and never has been any more open. I'm starting to accept things for the way they are instead of focusing all my energy on living my life like those problems don't exist. I'm starting to realize also that it's better to focus more energy on just living life instead of analying everything about life.

Now, getting back to the subject at hand. I used to think 'if i couldn't keep laura, what chance do I have of keeping anyone' not anymore. We were both immature in the sense that we were both unwilling to admit the obvious. We weren't a good match and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm trying to focus my efforts on finding things that me and any future partner can do together, not so much what i can do for them or vice versa. One person, no matter how hard they try can make a relationship work. It's gotta take two.

As far as finding that person, ::throws hands up in air and shakes head::, I'm sure there's SOMEONE out there for me. I sure ain't hiding from him/her but I need to sort out my own stuff before I find someone to be with. If I find them along the way then all the better.

I don't know how or why but all my life, deep down inside, I've always known things will work out the way they're supposed to. That's not always the easiest way but it is the best. I've known that all my life and I've never doubted it. That faith has got to be in me for a good reason so I trust it and myself when I say, It'll all work out alright.



Thanks everyone for all your support. I hope I'm not the only pixie who feels that this is a little family of our own and that we can talk about anything on here. Thanks again, I really appreciate it.

Can I suggest something simpler and easier?

No? Oh well. I'll tell you anyway.

You have dug yourself a hole and pulled the world shut over you. While you stay in this little stasis capsule, there will be no movement, as there is no-where to go.

You need to go somewhere different, a different city or whatever, for a long holiday and absorb the newness of your surroundings. When and if you go home you must apply this newness to your life and not just crawl back into your womb.

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Calm, quiet, smooth, devastating

While thinking of laura the other night (as I often do) I finally realized or maybe I should say admitted to myself what most of you have been telling me all along. I did love laura. I loved her the only way I know how to love someone, completely and unconditionally. Also, I admitted for the first time that I do miss her, I miss her terribly. Now as far as the REASON why I loved her or why I miss her, I'm COMPLETELY lost. I don't have a clue to be honest.

The thing that confuses me know is the fact that now that I've admitted all this, I feel worse instead of better. ?!?WTF?!?

Anyways, I'm setting up a double wide and digging pier holes all day long is one hard ass way of making a living. Basically I just wanted to keep everyone updated since I truely believe at least a few of you actually care about me enough to deal with my rambling, lol.

Thanx everyone, I really appreciate everything.

I miss her.

I've always gotten a little depressed around the holidays and I have a lot of holiday memories of laura. I knew I'd end up thinking about her eventually. At times, things were good, a lot of those good times include me holding her closely in my arms, comforting the both of us. That's what I miss the most, I miss the cuddling, the spooning, the warmth of anoth body on cold winter nights, and a soft somewhat loving smile to wake up to and kiss lovingly each morning. These are the things I miss most.

I wrote a letter to laura a while back never knowing if I'd ever send it or not. It was the first time I admitted a lot of stuff even to myself. It helped a lot but at this point I think that if I never talk to her again, I'm gonna spend the rest of my life wondering what she thinks of me. The letter I wrote her is a little too personal for me to post on here but if anyone's willing, I would like someone to read it and tell me if they think I should ever give it to her. When I was writing it I ended up getting pretty horny (as I usually do when I think of her) so I know I'll have to edit it a little for that if I ever give it to her. But like I said, I'd just like someone's opinion on whether I should just try to move on with my life never really knowing anything or whether I should at least try to clear the air between us.

If anyone's willing to read the letter then let me know and I'll pm it to you. If anyone has any suggestions on what to do about the questions in my head, I could really use them.

Merry Christmas everyone!

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words I live by;

POW/MIAs - No Will Never Be Forgotten

Karma can be a bitch, so don't make her mad!

Politeness counts.

The definition of a gentleman/lady is someone who does all the he/she can do to make the people around them as happy and comfortable as possible

Life's a bitch but it's all gotta be for something. If you keep faith in that, everything will be okay.

Every once in a great while, you just gotta kick a little ass!