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-   -   Hospital Charts (http://www.pixies-place.com/forums/showthread.php?t=34298)

dicksbro 08-29-2009 02:27 AM

Hospital Charts
 
"Actual writings" from hospital chart records:

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

pinkFlames 08-29-2009 04:05 AM

:roflmao: :roflmao: :roflmao:

PantyFanatic 08-29-2009 08:09 AM

:thumbs:
Quote:
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.



:rofl: :rofl:

gekkogecko 08-29-2009 10:02 AM

Oldies but goodies.

Lord Snow 08-29-2009 11:46 AM

What I think is funny is on a few of those you know what the person writing was thinking about at the time, and it wasn't their job.

CuteCoupleOz 08-29-2009 05:02 PM

Ahhhh-Hah!!! #12!!! And here I thought I was the only one with that condition.


---kathy

Pita 08-30-2009 09:27 AM

Good stuff! :D

GusAspar 08-31-2009 05:21 AM

Brilliant, Dick - this list had me laughing out loud!

scotzoidman 09-01-2009 08:14 AM

Quote:
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
:yikes:

Lord Snow 09-01-2009 08:45 PM

Scotz, that's for those with cranial rectumitus.

mercifulangel 09-04-2009 05:57 PM

i work as a nurse and there are truly some messed up things in charts!

Teddy Bear 09-04-2009 10:38 PM

Can't decide if I like 20 or 22 more. LOL

But then 25 is good too!!

Thanks DB. LOL!


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