I would not be able to do it.

That IS my husband. I AM his wife. That's our agreement. Absolutely we "belong" to each other. Not just me to him, not just him to me. Us, to each other. That is MY love. My lover. My friend. As I am his love, lover, friend.

When I have sex with him, it is a profound expression of my feelings for him. Special feelings. A special commitment. A special choice to do whatever work it takes to remain in that special relationship with just him. A statement that I recieve that physical pleasure from him, and him alone. I see sex as a symbolic statement within a partnership. It goes beyond physical grunting.

I am also of the opinion that if our relationship is not special, and we each feel the need to express that level of commitment to other people, then we should not be married. Expressing commitment to many people sort of destroys the ideas of integrity, faithfulness, commitment, and the many other feelings and actions I associate with a powerful, central, integral relationship such as a marriage.

I don't mind other people doing as they wish. However, what I do dislike and what angers me is people who have in the past started a "relationship" with me while they were married. In each relationship I am in, the question is always there, "Is this The One?" Someone already being married and having no intention or desire ever to have anything more with me than sex degrades the act of sex, it diminishes the statement of sex, relegating it to two people grunting and getting physical satisfaction then walking away from each other. The profound spirititual and emotional connection is meaningless to them.

When I have sex with someone, my feelings towards them absolutely change. This is why I don't run around casually spreading my legs. Because as an individual, I cannot handle it. It is too meaningful to me, matters too much to me.

I have been asking around my UK and European liberal open-minded friends today about this question. Whilst we all know people who have tried an open marriage, we don't know any that have lasted as a result.

I don't mean open relationships, these do not require the taking of vows to bind the committment. I have no problem if you want to renegotiate your vows/committment but in a way this would seem to me like the original marriage is over and a new one has started. Same relationship maybe, but a different marriage.

On another issue, I support gay marriage, precisely because children aren't the only or best reason for marriage, but because people are willing to make vows on their committment to each other.

People happily took the "obey" out of the vows - just ask the vicar or state official to take out the bit about honouring with your body and being faithful.

On a lighter note, I actually got married in a foreign language and didn't understand a word - so personnally I have no idea what I committed to.

__________________
Vigil, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.

Madam, if you were my wife, I would take it.

As a very petite woman residing in the deep South (in the USA) I am used to some condescension. But it still surprises me when it happens in Pixie's.
Leigh calls these "drive by condesensions"- off hand comments that mean a lot when you look deep--

"My understanding of the difference between repression and oppression is that the former tries to stop something happening through the pressure of morality and the latter through a legal structure" -Vigil

Webster:
"Repression": (you have to go to the root, "Repress" for this one )1 a : to check by or as if by pressure : CURB b : to put down by force

"Oppression" Function:noun
1 a : unjust or cruel exercise of authority or power b : something that oppresses especially in being an unjust or excessive exercise of power


"then I totally respect a decision that you can begin to put yourself first again. What I don't like is people (men and women) who put themselves first before they have fulfilled the obligations that they made when committing to a marriage, unless of course both parties went into the committment with the shared objective of having an open relationship."-Vigil

"so personnally (sic) I have no idea what I committed to."- Vigil

"I see sex as a symbolic statement within a partnership. It goes beyond physical grunting."...."This is why I don't run around casually spreading my legs."--sweetlady

"Well...isn't it interesting how almost all discussions here evolve into history lessons lately... "-scotzoidman
(love, history is how we got here, and probably where we are going)

"I am no more going to go on a guilt trip about historical oppression and repression of women than I am for the slave trade. I learn about these things in History with a view to their hopefully never happening again and certainly not with my support." --Vigil

This "History" is happening around you RIGHT NOW my sweets, and you really need to look around more. The West IGNORED the Taliban until they attacked us. The horrible lives of Afghani women wasn't in the USA's "best interest" to do anything about.
Slavery is alive and well in the Middle East, especially the Sudan.
Try reading up on Indian "dowry murders" and other kinds of "honor killings" I understand this is becoming a problem in the UK too.
Look up what happened here in the USA to Teena Brandon, a lesbian who posed as a man. When her male "friends" found out, they raped and murdered her.

From the web site "infoforhealth.org"
"Around the world at least one woman in every three has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused in her lifetime. Most often the abuser is a member of her own family. Increasingly, gender-based violence is recognized as a major public health concern and a violation of human rights."

Yeah, right, it's history.
Ok, you won't support it, but will you fight it?
I do EVERY DAMN DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

"I think that sex is implicitly important to a marriage and each couple needs to ensure that their needs and desires are met in a permissive and encouraging manner.....if this means going outside of the marriage with the other's full consent and approval then so be it....if not, then fine, no one's suggesting that it becomes compulsory" Loulabelle (((**HUGS**))) thank you hon!!!!
And of course Lil, and CowGirlTease, Vullkan, (why should the majority define marriage? but I ALMOST agree with you) Cassi, who found her own scholarship to add, as did Sharni, and Irish... who can disagree with me without insulting me. (If I ever come see you I am going to kiss you no matter what your wonderful wife says, so there!!!!)

BUT!! right now I am angry beyond anymore words!
It seems to say here that I am a selfish, immature slut, putting my own lusts and desires ahead of all else... a girl who married too early, and that is why I am so whatever you think I am!!!
At least that is what some people are suggesting.

'Bye for a while, at least, maybe, I don't know.

W

__________________
"I wondered, am I a lesbian, am I straight, or bisexual? Then I realized that I am just a slut.
So where's MY parade?"

---Margaret Cho

WW, you are definitely NOT a selfish, immature slut. You're just passionate...and I think you're awesome for not being afraid to let your opinions known.
I think its just hard for those who have not been in such a relationship to understand completely?
I hope you stay around here...we need another sexy New Orleans woman around here.

*big hug*

Cassiopeia

WW~ ((hugs)) don't allow yourself to be personally offended by people who have not taken the time to get to know you personally. They speak in generalities and not in specifics. You and I both know that when people take time to share ideas and get to know one another's viewpoints, personal animosity is much less likely and often we are able to expand eachother's ways of thinking.

__________________

The practice of putting women on pedestals began to die out when it was discovered that they could give orders better from there.~ Betty Grable

If I wanted your opinion, I'd remove the duct tape and ask you for it.~ Me
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>
One man's dream is another man's nightmare~~~~> §¤ Lilith ¤§
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What Did You Do Today? Self Defense Class ~Short Sweet Snippets~ § Summer Spin § Story Challenge Submission Pajamas

__________________
"Beware how you take away hope from another human being."
-Oliver Wendell Holmes

May I establish that this thread is about "open Marriage". Marriage as I understand it sanctioned by the state (what interest the state should have in your personal relationships would be another good thread). But official marriage supposedly bound by vows that we make to each other amongst other things.

If you are not married then the context of this thread has nothing to do with your chosen lifestyle and please do not take my comments to be aimed at you.

Many of the other issues raised here would make very interesting threads and I hope that they are started.

__________________
Vigil, if you were my husband, I would give you poison.

Madam, if you were my wife, I would take it.