one million

[Eliza]

5750

http://www.beaty625.com/rblicons/gum.gif

[Eliza]

http://www.beaty625.com/rblicons/eek.gif

Here's a cute eek for ya'all

[Eliza]

#5752

http://www.beaty625.com/rblicons/usa5.gif

[Eliza]

#5753

http://www.beaty625.com/rblicons/kissy.gif

[Eliza]

http://www.beaty625.com/rblicons/duel.gif

5754

[Eliza]

5755

http://www.beaty625.com/rblicons/bird1.gif

[Eliza]

5756

http://www.beaty625.com/rblicons/sperm.gif

[Eliza]

5757

http://www.beaty625.com/rblicons/lurking.gif

[Eliza]

5758

http://www.beaty625.com/rblicons/jawdrop.gif

[Eliza]

5759

http://www.beaty625.com/rblholidays/party.gif

[Eliza]

5760

http://www.beaty625.com/rblholidays/rdeer.gif

for Xmas time

[Eliza]

5761

http://www.beaty625.com/rblholidays/sf2.gif

aaww...isn't he cute?

[Eliza]

5762

http://www.beaty625.com/rblholidays/drac1.gif

http://www.beaty625.com/rblholidays/drac2.gif

a couple for Halloween

[Eliza]

5763 2 more for Halloween

http://www.beaty625.com/rblholidays/witch002.gif

http://www.beaty625.com/rblholidays/animbat.gif

[Eliza]

5764

sorry..it was too funny..had to do it...


http://mysmilies.creativesell.net/contrib/edoom/fart.gif

[celticangel]

They are soooooooo cute~~~~~love the last one!!!!
5765

[dicksbro]

5766

[Steph]

5767

It's my Tuesday
smog alert
heat alert
Boo work!

[Steph]

5768

sleepy from the heat

[Steph]

5769

If I delay getting ready for work, does that mean I don't have to go?

[Eliza]

5770- Found a cute Jedi one...http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_boese_1/lsvader.gif

[Eliza]

5771
http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/sbl35.gif

[Eliza]

5772
http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/wanker.gif

[Eliza]

5773
http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/ylflower.gif

[Eliza]

5774
http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/egitarre77.gif

[dicksbro]

5775

[Scarecrow]

5776

Hello everyone

[Sharni]

#5777

[Sharni]

#5778

[MilkToast]

--5779--

slow day for the thread :(

[MilkToast]

--5780--

PIXIES "ONE MILLION" THREAD END CALCULATOR
-Toast

start time: 5/9/03 9:59 PM
reply goal: 1,000,000
current time: 6/24/03 10:55 PM
reply count: 5,780

still needed: 994,220 replies
elapsed time: 46 days - hours 56.0 minutes

reply rate: 125.5 replies/day
OR 5.23 replies/hour
OR 0.087 replies/minute

time to goal: 11,403,600 minutes
OR 190,060 hours
OR 7,919 days
OR 21.7 years

est. achievement date: 2/28/25 2:55 AM

[Ozling]

-5781-

i havent posted in a while...wee

[Eliza]

5782

[Eliza]

5783

http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/AANEWbsod.gif

[Eliza]

5784

http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/hypocrite.gif

[Eliza]

5785

http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/pongsmily.gif

[Eliza]

5786
http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/sleeping.gif

[Eliza]

5787
http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/lol.gif

[cowgirltease]

:jump: 5788

[Ozling]

5789

[Eliza]

5790

http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/smilie_balkon2.gif

Hi cowgirltease and ozling!

[Eliza]

5791

http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/smilie_zauber.gif

[Eliza]

5792

http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/Smilies_klein_1_1/wizardkl.gif

[Eliza]

5793

http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Usersmilies/Rafael/03/OLA.gif

[Eliza]

5794
http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_Animals_1/bunny.gif

This ones for Baby Bunny

[Eliza]

5795

http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_Animals_1/elefant.gif

[Eliza]

5796

http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_Animals_1/bugzap.gif

Dicksbro..this one is for you.

[Eliza]

5797

http://2ni2.com/emoticon/amor/beso_mano.gif

[Eliza]

5798

http://www.kurts-smilies.de/amor.gif

[Eliza]

5799

http://www.kurts-smilies.de/gruppe.gif

Group Hug!!

[Eliza]

5800

http://www.kurts-smilies.de/wut3.gif

[Eliza]

5801

http://www.kurts-smilies.de/dance.gif

[Eliza]

5802

http://www.kurts-smilies.de/dance2.gif

[Eliza]

5803

http://www.kurts-smilies.de/bauchtanz.gif

[Eliza]

5804

This ones just too cute.
http://www.kurts-smilies.de/trink4.gif

[Eliza]

5805

http://www.kurts-smilies.de/fechten2.gif

http://www.kurts-smilies.de/degen.gif

http://www.kurts-smilies.de/schwert.gif

[Eliza]

5806

http://www.kurts-smilies.de/essen.gif

[Eliza]

5807

http://www.kurts-smilies.de/star.gif

[Eliza]

5808

http://www.kurts-smilies.de/bad.gif

[Eliza]

5809

http://www.stopstart.fsnet.co.uk/Gif/grover.gif

[Eliza]

5810

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung/spezial/TRIXYINAZ/whip2_1.gif

[Eliza]

5811

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung/spezial/Fool/hit.gif

[Eliza]

5812
http://www.smiliegenerator.de/s17/smilies-3196.png

[Eliza]

5813

http://www.smiliegenerator.de/s17/smilies-3198.png

[Eliza]

5814

Those Pixies Smilies were made with a Smilie Generator I found. It's really cute..here's the link if anyone wants it....

Smilie Generator (http://www.smiliegenerator.com/smiliegenerator_eng.html)

[Eliza]

5815
I think I'm done for the night...Goodnight All!

[Steph]

5816

Entering a contest to win a digital camera

[Steph]

5817

I'm going to win, I know it!!!

[Steph]

5818

Just need to pick a clean pic

[Steph]

5819

found one - cute pic of b/f/ and friend's cute child

[Steph]

5820

Didn't know you had to enter a pic to win!

[GusAspar]

5821

[GusAspar]

5822

Nice AV, Steph...

[GusAspar]

5823

One million is still a long way off...

[Steph]

5824

Like your av, too, GusAspar

[Steph]

5825

Changed the av, the last one was too damned pink!

[Steph]

5826

Packed like lemmings into shiny metal boxes - my fave Sting line

[Steph]

5827

Cat is crazy.
Cat on lap.
Cat, it's hot.
Cat, why you want body heat?

[Steph]

5828

Contestants in a suicidal race

. . .

He sees the family home now
looming in his headlights ..........

[GusAspar]

5828

If the cat is sitting on your lap, just what kind of heat is he into? :p

[GusAspar]

5830

Now our posts are getting tangled with each other - just like I'd like to be with you, Steph!

[GusAspar]

5831

Only problem - the Atlantic

[GusAspar]

5832

whoops, crashed in mid-reply there!

[dm383]

#5833

"Are we nearly there yet?" My daughter, at age 5, 3 miles into a 250 mile journey!!

[Urlryn]

#5834 Not

[Urlryn]

#5835 going

[Urlryn]

#5836 Fast

[Urlryn]

#5837 Enough

[GusAspar]

5838

let's help this along a little more

[GusAspar]

5839

still not fast enough

[GusAspar]

5840

they don't let you post more than once every 30 seconds...

[GusAspar]

5841

does anyone know why?

[dicksbro]

5842

[dicksbro]

5843

[dicksbro]

5844

[dicksbro]

5845 done
994155 to go :D

[GusAspar]

5846

hello dicksbro

[GusAspar]

5847

have a nice day

[Christine]

#5848

[Summer]

#5849

[Scarlett]

#5850

Good morning

[Scarlett]

#5851

How is everyone?

[dm383]

#5852

We're fine here thanks Scarlett..... nice and warm today, and we're just back from a nice wee run out on the 'bike!!

[Eliza]

#5853
Mornin!

[Goddess_X]

#5850

Its a beautiful day! Good Morning Pixie Pervies ;)

[Eliza]

#5855

[Eliza]

#5856

[Eliza]

5857

[Steph]

5858

Have I mentioned it's 101 F with the humidex and it's not noon yet?

[Steph]

5859

Yes, I've mentioned it in a PM, another thread and now here. I haven't had it this hot and had to jump into my car in a while.

[Steph]

5860

My poor dog. He looks comfy but dude's got a fur coat.

[dicksbro]

#5861

[Vicious Tease]

5862

[Eliza]

#5863

[Scarecrow]

5864

[dicksbro]

5865

[Scarlett]

5866

We went to see the Hulk today.

[Scarlett]

5867

My four year old spent the whole movie in my lap with my hand over his ear.

[Scarlett]

5868

When we got safely home he talked about it like it was the most exciting thing he had ever seen.

[PantyFanatic]

Originally posted by dm383
#5833

"Are we nearly there yet?" My daughter, at age 5, 3 miles into a 250 mile journey!!
You daughter waited until you were 1 and 2 tenths of a percent along your journey to ask.LMAO:)


We are less than 6 tenths of a percent to our goal. <---(insert *eek*) That would have been like her asking after the first mile and a half.:D

[PantyFanatic]

Yes Steph, we are into summer. With the very late and wet spring that we’ve had, this heat is just great for all the plants.:)

BUT I’M NOT GREEN AND LEAFY!!!!!! :mad:

If I could live in this crap I’d have moved to Costa Rica a long time ago. There is no question Steph that our ancestor left the savannahs a few millennia before others did.;)

[PantyFanatic]

#5871

I told you before how I became a 4th generation Cleveland kid. When my Irish ancestors got to New York, they love the crime and poverty, it just wasn't cold enough.:(

[PantyFanatic]

# 5872

It's 90f (32.2c) at 20:00 :( but suppose to heat up tomorrow. [**]<-- (insert DOUBLE *eek*)

[Sharni]

It's 90f (32.2c)
Ooooooooo nice :D

#5872

[Eliza]

5873

[Scarecrow]

I do beleive that this is post #5875

[Scarecrow]

Yes I just checked and this is reply


#5876

[Steph]

5876

I can't believe how hot it is but I love it!!!

[Steph]

5877


The way the media reported it, I thought I'd melt when I went outside but it was great!

[Steph]

5878

I need to learn how to resize pics. Tried to send some earlier, files too big. Grr.

[Ozling]

Originally posted by Steph
I need to learn how to resize pics. Tried to send some earlier, files too big. Grr.
I might be able to help ya there steph. are you talking how big a file is as in like the size like 16kb. or the dimensions?

5879

[Ozling]

5880

[dm383]

#5881


My head hurts!!! :(

[dicksbro]

5883 (There were two 5872's)

[dm383]

There were two #5876's too!! All sorted now though!! hehe


#5884

[dicksbro]

5885

[dm383]

5886

[PantyFanatic]

# 5887

The coffee's ready. :D

[Goddess_X]

# 5888

So am I :spank: :D

[Eliza]

#5889
Me too! :sex:

[Eliza]

#5890

[Eliza]

#5891
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/BeuleuDevil.gif

[Eliza]

5892
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/sumo.gif

[Eliza]

5893
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1051064320.gif

[Eliza]

5894
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/bowdown.gif

[Eliza]

5895

http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/bowdown.gif http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1055893119.gif

[Eliza]

5896
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/tibisou.gif

[Eliza]

5897

http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/romeetjuliette.gif

[Eliza]

5898
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1036154157.gif

[Eliza]

5899
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1040738615.gif

[Eliza]

5900

http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1044197739.gif

[Eliza]

5901

http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1046456818.gif

[Eliza]

5902
OMG! I love this one!

http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1053179829.gif

[Eliza]

5903
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/AngelDevil.gif

[Eliza]

5904
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1050583824.gif

[Eliza]

5905
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1053180105.gif

[Eliza]

5906
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/stitch.gif

[Eliza]

5907
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1036253673.gif

[Eliza]

5908
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1036945924.gif

[skipthisone]

5909 - SEX

[Eliza]

5910- candy?

[Eliza]

5911
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1043011192.gif

[Eliza]

5912
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1050848732.gif

[PantyFanatic]

So am I
Me too!

OMG! :D I may change my purest way of “Just give me a cup of coffee.” Think I’ll try the Elizdess blend. :p :D :p

[Eliza]

5914
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1050849028.gif

[Eliza]

5915
Mornin PF

[Eliza]

5916
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1050849256.gif

[Eliza]

5717
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1050849597.gif

[Eliza]

5718
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1053178878.gif

[Eliza]

5719
http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1053178653.gif

[Eliza]

5720
Alright..I'm done for the morning. Almost @ 6000 ya'all! Woo Hoo!

[Steph]

5721

wonder if we'll get to 6000 today?

[Steph]

5722

I'll try to do my part

[Steph]

5723

<sigh> getting tired already :)

[Steph]

5724

more coffee needed

[Steph]

5725

brb :)

[Steph]

5726

One more for the team!

[celticangel]

5727

[dm383]

#5728


Well, we're getting there....... slowly!!! :)

[Scarecrow]

#5929

here's one more

some how we got off by 200

[Scarecrow]

#5930


Save the Jedi Master :sw:

[Scarecrow]

#5931

we are getting closer to 6000

[Scarecrow]

#5932

[Scarecrow]

#5933


only 994,067 to go

[celticangel]

5934

[Vicious Tease]

5935

[Eliza]

Originally posted by Scarecrow
#5929

here's one more

some how we got off by 200


5936
It was me...oops...I was in a smiley posting haze :D

[Eliza]

5937

http://www.1-2-3-gaestebuch.de/smilies/199.gif

[Eliza]

5938
http://www.cool-pix-medien.de/www.smiliemania.de/smilie/00000030.gif

[Eliza]

5939
http://www.cool-pix-medien.de/www.smiliemania.de/smilie/00000981.gif

[Eliza]

5940

http://www.cool-pix-medien.de/www.smiliemania.de/smilie/00000394.gif

[Eliza]

5941
http://www.cool-pix-medien.de/www.smiliemania.de/smilie/00000347.gif

[Eliza]

5942
http://www.cool-pix-medien.de/www.smiliemania.de/smilie/00000341.gif

[Eliza]

5943
http://www.cool-pix-medien.de/www.smiliemania.de/smilie/00000595.gif

[Eliza]

5944

http://www.cool-pix-medien.de/www.smiliemania.de/smilie/00000506.gif

[Eliza]

5945http://www.cool-pix-medien.de/www.smiliemania.de/smilie/00000123.gif

[Eliza]

5946

http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/happy/lol.gif

[Eliza]

5947

http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/happy/balloon.gif

[Eliza]

5948

http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/celeb/starwars.gif

[Eliza]

http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/celeb/vindian.gif http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/celeb/vconst.gif http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/celeb/vcop.gif http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/celeb/vbiker.gif http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/celeb/vcowboy.gif http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/celeb/vsailor.gif
5949

[MilkToast]

a: I like this smileyhttp://www.smilies.org/basesmilies3/1050849028.gif

b. cool this thread being moved to this forum now allows for in-line images and use of the IMG tag... most excellent.

c. this is reply 5950

[Eliza]

5951
http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/alcoholic.gif Hi Milk Toast!

[Eliza]

5952
OKay..this one was to big to post in the message...but here's the link...it's cute.

Smiley Army Base (http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/people/hq.gif)

[Eliza]

5953

Smiley War Ship (http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/people/bship.gif)

[Eliza]

5954
http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung/ernaehrung/food-smiley-013.gif

[Eliza]

5955

http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung/liebe/love-smiley-086.gif

[Eliza]

5956
http://www.abestweb.com/smilies/chased.gif

[fzzy]

5957 ... almost to 6000 .... amazing!

[Eliza]

5958
http://www.btinternet.com/~tonyrichardson/bounce.gif

[Eliza]

5959

http://www.btinternet.com/~tonyrichardson/sniper.gif

[Eliza]

5960
http://www.aaanimations.com/happy/yahooinfinitesmall.gif

[Eliza]

5961
http://www.xs4all.nl/~cgieliam/usa_dance.gif

[Eliza]

5962
http://www.xs4all.nl/~cgieliam/stofz.gif

[Eliza]

5963
http://www.xs4all.nl/~cgieliam/tennis.gif

[Eliza]

5964

http://www.xs4all.nl/~cgieliam/kerstboom.gif

[Eliza]

5965

[MilkToast]

Originally posted by Eliza
5951
http://community.the-underdogs.org/smiley/alcoholic.gif Hi Milk Toast!

hmmm... I don't know that I like the implication there :(

[MilkToast]

5967... OK I'm over it...

[Eliza]

Originally posted by MilkToast
hmmm... I don't know that I like the implication there :(

5968
No implication Hun...just a randon act of smilies...this one was next on my post list. How can I ever make it up to you?

~Eliz

[Eliza]

5969

http://home.pi.be/~jmtyson/nnl/obsessed.gif

[MilkToast]

Originally posted by Eliza
5968
No implication Hun...just a randon act of smilies...this one was next on my post list. How can I ever make it up to you?

~Eliz

Originally posted by Eliza
5969

http://home.pi.be/~jmtyson/nnl/obsessed.gif

that works :p

[Eliza]

5971

The closest panty one I've found for PF
http://www.beermary.com/graphics/smilies/panties.jpg

[MilkToast]

OK... the theme for the next 21 minutes (max) from me is "bad jokes"

5972

edit: all of these are from www.badjokesoftheweek.com... I'm just not that original...

[MilkToast]

A cowboy moseys into a saloon and orders a whiskey. When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?" The bartender replies, "They've all gone to the hanging." The cowboy asked, "Who are they hanging?" The bartender answered, "Brown Paper Pete." "What kind of name is Brown Paper Pete," the cowboy asked. The bartender explained, "Well, he wears a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants and brown paper shoes." The cowboy said, &"That's weird. What are they hanging him for?" The bartender said, "Rustling!"

--edit: 5973 (not 4)--

[denny]

So give us one!

5975

[MilkToast]

edit: --5975 (not 6)--

It was a little girl's first day of school, and the teacher asked her what her name was. She replied, "Happy Butt!" The teacher said, "Honey, I don't think that's your name. You need to go see the principal and get this straightened out." So the little girl went to the principal's office. The principal asked the little girl, "What's your name?" The little girl answered, "Happy Butt!" The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all. After getting off the phone, the principal looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt!" The girl then said, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt, what's the difference?!"

[denny]

I'm slow, you're quick!

5976

[MilkToast]

--5977--

A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Texan were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now that we've caught you, we're going to kill you! We will put you in a pot and cook you, eat you and then use your skins to make a canoe! The good news is that you get to choose how you die." The Frenchman says, "I will take ze sword!" The chief gives him a sword and the Frenchman yells, "Viva la France!" He then runs himself through. The Englishman says, "A pistol for me, please!" The chief gives him a pistol, he points it at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out! The Texan says, "Give me a fork!" The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The Texan takes the fork and starts jabbing himself all over - the stomach, the chest, everywhere! The Texan has blood gushing out all over! The chief is shocked. He asks the Texan, "What are you doing?!" The Texan replies, "So much for your canoe!"

[MilkToast]

I managed to screw the count back there... this is 5978

[MilkToast]

--5979--

Once upon a time an evil king captured a princess and held her captive in his high tower. Though she was very beautiful, the evil king forced her to wear a disgusting and smelly burlap dress. "You'll never get away with this," she cried. "Some brave knight will come and rescue me!" The evil king replied, "Not in that thing!" She waited day and night, but it was just as the evil king had said. Every knight who saw her in the window of the high tower was scared away by her disgusting, smelly burlap dress. After many months, the princess broke down crying. The evil king taunted the princess, "You see? I told you no knight would rescue a damsel in this dress!"

[MilkToast]

Originally posted by denny
I'm slow, you're quick!

5976
nah, just bored and with a cable modem :D

[MilkToast]

--5981--


The captain of a pirate ship was sitting in his cabin when the first mate came to him and said, "There is a pirate ship on the horizon!" The captain replied, "Tell the men to prepare the guns and bring me my red shirt!" "Yes sir!" replied the first mate and went to fulfill his orders. The ship came closer and the men began to fight. The captain and his ship won the battle and the men kept all of the gold. A week later, the first mate came to the captain and said, "Captain, there are four ships on the horizon!" The captain replied, "OK, tell the men to prepare the guns and bring me my red shirt!" "Yes sir!" said the first mate and went to fulfill his orders. The other ships came closer and the men began to fight. The captain and his ship won the battle and the men kept all of the gold. After they won the battle, the first mate went to the captain and asked, "Every time we go into battle, you wear your red shirt. Why?" The captain answered, "Well, I wear my red shirt so that if I get shot and start bleeding, the men will keep fighting, not knowing their captain is hurt!" The first mate said, "Wow! That is really smart!" Two weeks later, the first mate once again came to the captain and said, "Captain, there are 20 ships on the horizon!" The captain said, "OK, tell the men to prepare the guns and bring me my brown pants!"

[MilkToast]

--5982--

A group of theater students decided it would be fun to train a flock of chickens to perform Hamlet. After many hours of practice, it was time for opening night. Sadly just as the first patrons were starting to arrive, a group pf police officers arrived and shut down the theater. The police department would make no official statement as to why the action was taken, but it was believed that fowl play was suspected!

[MilkToast]

--5983--

A doctor used to visit the same bar everyday and he ordered the same drink day in and day out. He would tell the bartender, "Fix me an almond Daiquiri, Dick!" And Dick, the bartender, would serve it up. This went on for years on end. Finally one day, the bartender realized that there were no more almonds anywhere in his inventory. The doctor had just walked in and was waiting anxiously at the bar for his favorite drink. In a hurry, the bartender figured that he could substitute a hickory nut, crush it up and the doctor would never know the difference. The doctor took a sip of the drink and said, "Is this an almond Daiquiri, Dick?" The bartender replied, "Well, no, it's a hickory Daiquiri, Doc!"

[MilkToast]

--5984--

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel for the night. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night. "Certainly, Madame," he replied. Mary asked, "Is the restaurant still open?" "Sorry, no," came the reply, "but room service is available all night. Would you care to select something from the menu?" Mary smiled and took the menu and looked it over. "I would like cauliflower cheese, please," said Mary. "Certainly, Madame," he replied. Mary then asked, "And may I have breakfast in bed?" The receptionist nodded and smiled. "In that case, I would love a couple of poached eggs," Mary said. After confirming the order, Mary signed in and went to her room for the night. The night passed uneventfully, and the next morning, Mary came down early to check out. The receptionist asked Mary, "Did you sleep well?" Mary replied, "Yes, thank you." The receptionist then asked, "Was the food to your liking?" Mary replied, "Well, I have to say the cauliflower cheese was great. I don't think I've ever had better! Shame about the eggs, though. They really weren't that nice at all." The receptionist replied, "Perhaps you could contribute your thoughts to our guest comments book. We are always looking to improve our service and would value your opinion." "OK, I will," said Mary, who then checked out, paused awhile, then scribbled a comment into the book. Waving, she left to continue her journey. Curious, the receptionist picked up the book to see what Mary had written. She wrote: "Supercauliflowercheesebuteggswerequiteatrocious!"

[MilkToast]

--5985--

Once there was a millionaire who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a very beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decided to throw a huge party, and during the party he announced, "I have a proposition for every single man here. I will give $1,000,000 or my daughter to the one man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finished his last word, there was a large splash! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he had. The crowd cheered him on as he kept swimming. Finally, he made it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire was impressed. He said, "My boy, that was simply incredible! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want, my daughter or the money?" The man replied, "Listen, I don't want your money! I don't want your daughter! I just want the name of the person who pushed me in!"

[MilkToast]

--5986--

The recreational director of a mental hospital wanted to take a well-behaved group of inmates to a baseball game. The general manager of the ballclub was a little leery of this. The recreational director asked, "If I prove to you how well behaved they are, will you let them in?" The general manager agreed. The group of inmates came into the office and sat down. The recreational director shouted, "Stand up, nuts!" Everyone stood up. He then shouted, "Sit down, nuts!" Everyone sat down. He then shouted, "Look behind you, nuts!" Everyone turned around. Pleased with that, the general manager let agreed to let them into the game. In the third inning, the general manager heard a tremendous commotion! People were in a panic! He asked what happened and was told that someone had yelled, "Peanuts!"

[MilkToast]

--5987--

Q. Did you hear about the Viagra robbery at the drug store?


A. The police are looking for a hardened criminal!

[MilkToast]

--5988--

Did you ever notice when you put the 2 words "THE" and "IRS" together, it spells "THEIRS?!"

[MilkToast]

--5989--

Q. What's the difference between the short and long income tax forms?





A. If you use the short form, the government gets your money.



If you use the long form, the accountant gets your money.

[MilkToast]

--5990--

Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi was exhausted after spending all morning teaching a young Luke Skywalker the ways of the Force. Obi-Wan decided to treat his student to lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant, where they could eat and continue Luke's studies. Upon arriving, Obi-Wan ordered two bowls of hot and sour soup and sweet and sour chicken. The waiter brought the two Jedi their soup first. As Luke slurped up his soup spoonful after spoonful, Obi-Wan patiently continued Luke's lessons in the ways of the Force. Between each spoonful, Luke nodded as he listened and understood his master's teachings. The waiter then brought the two Jedi their sweet and sour chicken. Obi-Wan continued teaching, but noticed that young Luke was distracted. Luke couldn't seem to grasp how to use his chopsticks. Obi-Wan tried to proceed with his teaching, only to become frustrated as Luke continued to struggle with his chopsticks. Luke kept trying to pick up his food with the chopsticks, only to watch his food fall back onto his plate, onto the table or in the floor. The entire time Luke was completely ignoring his Jedi teacher. Finally, Obi-Wan couldn't take it anymore. It was then that Obi-Wan told young Skywalker the most important lesson he would ever learn as a Jedi: "Use the forks, Luke! Use the forks!"

[MilkToast]

--5991--

Hillary Clinton went to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she was pregnant! The senator was furious! She was in the middle of her first term as Senator of New York and this had to happen to her! She called home and got Bill on the phone. Hillary immediately started screaming, "How could you have let this happen?! With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you?! I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault! Your fault! Well, what do you have to say for yourself?!" There was nothing but dead silence on the phone. Hillary screamed again, "Did you hear me?!" Finally she heard Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper, Bill said, "Who is this?!"

[MilkToast]

--5992--

President George W. Bush was in an airport lobby when he noticed a man in a long, flowing white robe with a long, flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm. Excited, George W. approached the man and asked, "Aren't you Moses?!" The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling. G.W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?!" The man continued to stare at the ceiling. George then tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?!" The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am!" George W. asked him why he was so stuck up. The man replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush, I had to spend forty years wandering in the desert!"

[MilkToast]

--5993--

The Potato family sat down to dinner. Missy Potato looked at her parents and said, "Mom and Dad, I have big announcement. I'm going to get married!" The happy Momma Potato asked, "Who is he, dear?!" Missy Potato replied, "I'm going to marry Peter Jennings!" Without hesitation, Poppa Potato jumped up at screamed, "NO! I won't allow it! No daughter of mine will ever be allowed to marry him! Missy Potato started crying and asked, "Why Daddy?! Peter Jennings is such a nice man and he will provide for me well!" Poppa Potato responded, "That may be true, but Peter Jennings is just a commentator!"

[Eliza]

5994
http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/flyer.gif

[MilkToast]

--5995--

Two starving vampire bats were sitting on a roof wishing that they had some blood to drink. The first vampire bat said, "I can't wait anymore! I'm flying out there to find some blood!" With that, the vampire bat took off into the distance. Ten minutes later, the vampire bat returned to the rooftop with his face covered in fresh blood! The second vampire bat asked, "Hey! Where in the world did you get all of that blood?!" The first vampire bat said, "Look out there. Do you see that big tree limb about 50 yards away, and 10 feet off of the ground?!" The second vampire bat squinted, looked and said, "No, I don't see it!" The first vampire bat said, "Funny. Neither did I!"

[Eliza]

5996
http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/frankie.gif

[MilkToast]

--5997--
A tourist in Vienna was walking through a graveyard on Halloween night when all of a sudden he heard some music. No one was around, so the tourist started searching for the source of the music. The tourist finally located the source of the music. The tourist discovered the music was coming from a grave with a headstone that read: Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. The tourist then realized that the music is the Ninth Symphony and it is being played backwards! Puzzled, the tourist left the graveyard and persuaded a local resident to return to the graveyard with him. By the time they had arrived back at the grave, the music had changed. This time it was the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it was being played backwards. Curious, the men agreed to consult a local music scholar. When they returned to the grave with the expert, the Fifth Symphony was playing, again backwards. The music expert noticed that the symphonies were being played in the reverse order in which they were composed: the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. Within hours, the word had spread, and a crowd had gathered around the grave. The crowd was listening to the Second Symphony being played backwards. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambled up to the group. Someone in the crowd asked him if he had an explanation for the music. The caretaker replied, "Oh, it's nothing to worry about! He's just decomposing!"

[Eliza]

5998

http://www.smilies-world.de/Smilies/Smilies_klein_1/handball.gif

[Eliza]

5999