one million

[Cheyanne]

8249

Sacofricosis, is the practice of cutting a hole in the bottom of a front pants pocket in order to masturbate in public with less risk of detection.

[Cheyanne]

8250

8.5 billion condoms are produced every year worldwide.

[Cheyanne]

8251

Dendrophilia is a sexual attraction to trees.

[Cheyanne]

8252

Agalmatophilia is an attractions to statues or mannequins.

[Cheyanne]

8253

Done for now... :)

Enjoy.. :eek:

[Cheyanne]

8254

Sorry... found some more.. :)

The worlds oldest dildo was found in Pakistan and is of pre-Hindu origin dating back to 4000BC

[Cheyanne]

8255

The first nipple rings, called bosom rings, appeared in Victorian Europe in the 1890's. They became fashionable among woman who often wore them joined together by a small gold chain.

[Cheyanne]

8256

The longest daisy chain is thought to have been at one of Emperor Tiberius's orgies, it was estimated at 30.

[Cheyanne]

8257

The largest pornography collection in the world is located at The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. It contains 80,000 pornographic books and at least 150,000 movies.

[Cheyanne]

8258

The greater the orgasm, the deeper the sleep. Multiple orgasms (20 or more per hour) can induce a coma and near-fusion with the mattress.

:D :p

[Cheyanne]

8259

Super-lover Casanova (1725-1798) used condoms to protect himself from disease and to avoid getting his lovers pregnant. They were made from animal guts and tied in place with a pink ribbon!

[Cheyanne]

8260

King Fatafehi Paulah of Tonga proclaimed it was his royal duty to take the virginity of every woman in his kingdom, it is estimated that he deflowered 37,800 during his lifetime. He never slept with the same woman twice.

[Cheyanne]

8261

The greatest gathering of streakers occurred during a mass streaking event on April 21, 1998 organized by the University of Michigan, at which occasion a crowd of an estimated 1,500 people piled up their clothes and run for a mile. This mass streaking event is organized annually by the University in order to uphold the ever fine academic traditions.

[Cheyanne]

8262

Some of the largest breasts ever recorded figure in the book "Human Oddities" by Martin Monestier. The weight of each breast of the woman he mentions in the book is 44 pounds (19.8 kg) while their circumference is 33" (83.82 cm).

(OHHHHHHHHHH, my aching back!)

[Cheyanne]

8263

Having sex 3 times a week burns 7500 calories per year. That's the equivalent of jogging 75 miles (120.675 km). The more intense the sex, the more calories are burnt: up to 10,000 calories annually.

[Cheyanne]

8264

This one is for puppy... (BHP's)

It was considered elegant for aristocratic ladies of the sixteenth century to let their pubic hair grow as long as possible so it could be pomaded and adorned with bows and ribbon.

[Cheyanne]

8265

In fourteenth-century Europe, high-ranking noblemen were permitted to display their genitals below a short tunic, while those not impressively endowed could, if they chose, wear a leather falsie called a braquette.

[Cheyanne]

8266

Given today's average frequency of sexual intercourse, it would take the typical American couple more than four years to try every one of the 529 positions described in the Kama Sutra.

[Cheyanne]

8267

French President Francois Faure expired in a bordello in 1899 during the act of copulation, which so terrified his lady of the evening that her vagina constricted intractably, necessitating the surgical removal of the dead man's member.

(nuff said)

[Cheyanne]

8268

In Idaho, it is illegal for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than 50lbs.

[Cheyanne]

8269

In Chicago, Illinois, it is legal to protest naked in front of City Hall, as long as you are under 17 years of age and have the proper permits.

[Cheyanne]

8270

Men over the age of 18, in Indiana may be charged with statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes and is under the age of 17.

[ryker]

8268

Oui Cheyanne nuff said lol

[Cheyanne]

8271

In Ottuma, Iowa, a man may not wink at any woman he doesn't know.

[Cheyanne]

8273

LOL ryker... some of these are funny.. and I am trying to get to 1000 posts.. :)

Originally posted by ryker
8268

Oui Cheyanne nuff said lol

[Cheyanne]

8274

In Boston, Massachusetts, two people may not kiss in front of a church.

[Cheyanne]

8275

Logan County, Colorado law states that it is illegal to kiss a woman while she is asleep.

[Cheyanne]

8276

In Hartford, Connecticut, it is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on Sundays.

[Cheyanne]

8277

In Clinton, Arkansas, molesting an automobile is illegal.

[Cheyanne]

8278

In Minnesota, it is illegal to sleep naked.

[Cheyanne]

8279

Virginia law states that it is illegal to have sex with the lights on.

[Cheyanne]

8280

In Florida, it is considered an offense to shower naked & you may not kiss your wife's breasts.

[Cheyanne]

8281

In Iowa, kisses may not last longer than 5 minutes.

(Wonder what the punishment is for this one?) :eek:

[Cheyanne]

8282

Massachusetts law dictates that a woman may not be on top for any sexual activities.

[Cheyanne]

8283

In New Orleans, it is illegal for a woman to drive a car unless her husband is waving a flag in front of it.

**Giggles.. guns the engine**

[Cheyanne]

8284

You better keep things clean... in Oregon it is illegal to whisper dirty words into your partner's ear during sex.

(Like, who is gonna turn you in for that?)

[Cheyanne]

8284

In Arizona you may not have more than 2 dildos in one house.

(Some lawmakers had waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands.. )

[Cheyanne]

8285

In Little Rock, Arkansas, flirtation between men and women on the streets may result in a 30 day jail term.

[Cheyanne]

8286

Names for sexual positions... and what they are.. :D

The Backstairs Boogie -- Kneel in front of your partner at the landing of a staircase, both of you facing the stairs, your bodies meshed tightly. While you reach up and hold on to each side of the staircase for support (or to the stairs themselves), he holds your hips and penetrates you from behind.

[Cheyanne]

8287

G-Spot Jammer -- The woman lays on her side in an L shaped position. The man also lays on his side, his head towards her feet. He enters her, and she can stabilize herself by placing her feet on his shoulder or neck. You get great penetration, not to mention good G-Spot contact.

[Cheyanne]

8288

The Bridge -- The woman needs to lean into and arch,(start off the ground or bend the back)she needs to be supple! The man then grasps the hips and enters her, this is a slow motion position don't go too fast!

[Cheyanne]

8289

Float Your Boat -- This would take place in a whirl pool or the shallow end of a pool. The woman lies on her back and has to stay afloat while the man straddles her legs and penetrates.

[Cheyanne]

8290

The Wheelbarrow -- The woman should rest her arms on a chair while the man lifts her legs and supports her while she wraps her legs around him. He should then proceed. This is very similar to the Upside-Down, yet involves the use of a chair.

[Cheyanne]

8291

Planning Assistant -- Both man and woman lie on their backs, with woman on top of man. This allows for deep penetration when the woman arches her back away from the man, and makes both breast and clitoral stimulation quite easy. Both partners can stay parallel to one another, or may gradually move around so that they are "crossing" one another, at a 90-degree angle or so.

[Cheyanne]

8292

Upside Down -- The woman lays on her back and allows the man to enter her. She then wraps her legs around him as he lifts her up. She should hold onto him with her legs. She puts her hands on the floor as if she is doing a hand stand. He then proceeds.

(And then he proceeds.. lol)

[Cheyanne]

8293

Head to Toe -- The man should lie flat on his back with his legs spread and allow the woman to lower herself onto his penis, facing him. She then leans backwards, with her legs to his side and toes pointing towards his head. Both partners should be looking at the ceiling. In this position, the partners cannot see each other and must rely on their sense of touch. Neither partner has the ability to move much which focuses attention to the genitals.

[Cheyanne]

8294

Cuissade -- The woman should lie on her back with her legs to her side at a 90° angle. With the man at her side, she should raise the leg nearest to him and allow him to enter from under her thigh, (the "cuisse" in French, thus the meaning behind the name). His nearest leg should cross her body. The woman can use her thigh to control the depth of penetration, making it more exciting or intimate. This position allows the couple to be close and hold each other and kiss if they so desire.

[Cheyanne]

8295

Cross -- The woman should lie flat on the bed and open her legs to allow the man to enter her. The man should lie diagonally across the woman and rock gently from side to side after penetration. The woman can use her hands to control his movements and guide him. This position works with either the man or woman on top.

[Cheyanne]

8296

Desk Detail -- Your partner lies back in a chair, his legs spread comfortably, his feet on the floor. You straddle his lap with your back to him, your body inside his legs, your arms stretched in front of you so they reach the desktop, and your feet suspended in the air. He holds your hips tightly to his lap, thrusting in small circles while you keep your legs close together.

[Cheyanne]

8297

Couch Potato -- Similar to the "Cowgirl," the woman sits on top of the man who is sitting on a couch, recliner or loveseat. She can get as acrobatic as she likes.

[Cheyanne]

8298

Fireside -- The woman should sit comfortably in a chair with her legs spread and arms on the side of the chair. The man should kneel as he enters her. The woman can lean back, using the sides of the chair for support, to allow the man more thrusting room.

[Cheyanne]

8299

Lap -- This position provides great intimacy for both partners as they can sit close to each other and kiss. The man should sit with the woman straddling his lap, facing him. When sitting on a sofa, the woman should support herself with her knees and gently move up and down. If you use a chair, the woman should place her feet on the floor and grab the back of the chair for support. This position can also be varied if the woman turns away from the man, allowing for deeper penetration.

[Cheyanne]

8300

Pillows On The Counter -- The girl should lie down on a counter with one of the ends available for the guy to stand at; the counter should be near thrusting level for him. Place a few pillows under her waist or rear add a whole new dimension to this position, but even better than that is when the girl (if flexible enough) rests her ankles on her partner's shoulders so her legs are going straight up into the air. It's very stimulating for both!

[Cheyanne]

8301

Rear-entry Standing -- This upright-rear entry, doggy-style position requires minimal undressing and is very convenient. The woman can support herself on a nearby chair or table while the man enters her from behind in a standing doggy position.

[Cheyanne]

8302

Standing Carry -- In this position, the man should stand and hold his partner in his arms. The woman should wrap her legs around his waist and place her arms over his shoulders. This position works best if you start off sitting and can be very strenuous. The man can lower his partner onto a table or bed to relieve some of the stress and continue thrusting without much exertion.

[Cheyanne]

8303

Wet and Wild -- This position takes place in the shower. The woman should lean against the shower wall as the water runs against her. The man approaches her, gently lifts her up against the wall, and she wraps her legs around him as he enters.

(NOTE:.. gentlemen, do not lift and slip flinging your partner out of the shower onto her ass..... :D )

[Scarlett]

8302
Oh my!

[Cheyanne]

8304

Raw -- The women is bent over touching the tips of her toes while the man enters her. When the man starts to go deeper she parts her legs by the time the man has entered fully into the women her legs should be parted very widely.

[Cheyanne]

8306

:D

Originally posted by Scarlett
8302
Oh my!

[Cheyanne]

8307

I promise to NOT go thru all of the positions in the Karma Sutra.. :)

[Scarlett]

8308

Be my guest lol

[Cheyanne]

8309

Top Ten Kitchen Sex Aids:

10. Barbecue tongs. (have no idea)

9. Ice cream scooper. ( :eek: )

8. Egg beater (don’t ask).

7. Spatula (for paddling).

6. Ice cubes. ( :D )

5. Hand mixer. (don't ask.....)

4. Rolling pin (for extra-adventurous girls).

3. Egg timer (to guard against premature ejaculation).

2. Chip clip (those big clothespin-looking things make great nipple clamps).

1. Crisco.

[Cheyanne]

8310

LOL.. there are over 450 of them at last count.. :p

Originally posted by Scarlett
8308

Be my guest lol

[Scarlett]

8311

Holy cow! You better get to posting woman :D

[Cheyanne]

8312

:o ;)



Originally posted by Scarlett
8311

Holy cow! You better get to posting woman :D

[Cheyanne]

8313

Some more trivia... hehehe

Kellogg's Corn Flakes were invented by a Dr. Kellogg in hopes that they would reduce masturbation.

[Cheyanne]

8314

According The Solitary Vice, a book for doctors that came out in the 1890s, women who masturbate tend to eat a lot of foods containing mustard and vinegar.

[Cheyanne]

8315

Young was the first condom manufacturer to advertise in a major American magazine--it was the June 1969 issue of Sport magazine and the ad was against VD. Ironically Playboy refused to accept Young's add until 1972.

[Cheyanne]

8316

The typical person spends about 600 hours having sex between the ages of 20 and 70.

[Cheyanne]

8317

On average, it takes two tablespoons of blood to get a man's penis erect.

[Cheyanne]

8318

According to one theory, people who chew a lot of ice have a high sex drive.

[Cheyanne]

8319

According to Archives of General Medicine, coffee drinkers have sex more frequently and enjoy it more than non-coffee drinkers.

[MilkToast]

wowsers... movin' right along Cheyanne... excellent...

8322

[MilkToast]

8323... looks like a minor slip in the numbers... this one should be correct

(it is, I just checked)

[MilkToast]

8324 ... off to do some late evening boozin' :D

[Cheyanne]

8324

Thanks MilkToast.. :)
Originally posted by MilkToast
wowsers... movin' right along Cheyanne... excellent...

8322

[Cheyanne]

8325

The average time that a man lasts after penetration is two minutes

[Cheyanne]

8326

20 million Americans watch pornography annually.

[Cheyanne]

8327

According to Susan Lark, MD, director of the PMS Self-Help Center in Los Altos, Calif., having sex with orgasm relieves menstrual cramps because the vigorous muscle action moves blood and other fluids away from congested organs.

[Cheyanne]

8328

I believe that I am done for tonight... have fun reading!!!

[MilkToast]

--8330--

[MilkToast]

Originally posted by Cheyanne
8328

I believe that I am done for tonight... have fun reading!!!
some excellent stuff there... tnxs for postin' :D

--8331--

[MilkToast]

8332

[MilkToast]

8333

[MilkToast]

8334... just got back in.... 2:15 am and I can not sleep :(

[MilkToast]

8335

la dee da....

[MilkToast]

8336

[MilkToast]

8337

[MilkToast]

8338

[MilkToast]

8339

est. 10k achievement date: 7/24/03 4:17 PM

[MilkToast]

8340

[MilkToast]

8341

[MilkToast]

8342

[MilkToast]

8343 - gotta go :D

[dicksbro]

8344

[dicksbro]

8345 down
991655 to go. I think we're going to have to hurry a bit. :)

[T-S]

8346

[MilkToast]

8347

[MilkToast]

8348, happy saturday morning all

[MilkToast]

8349

off to get some breakfast (and more importantly some good coffee!!!!!)

[Scarlett]

8350

Good morning

[Cheyanne]

8351

Good Morning to all!! :)

[Cheyanne]

8352

Just 194 more to go til I hit 1,000!!!! Wonder if I can find more trivia/facts??? lol

:jump:

[Cheyanne]

8353

***really thinking about hijacking this thread again.. hehehehe ***

[campingboy]

8354

I wish my pention fund would climb as quickly as this thread?

[Cheyanne]

8355

lol @ Campingboy...

Oh btw... I found the Karma Stura site... www.kamasutrafree.com :D

perfumed breath anyone???

[Cheyanne]

8356

According to a survey of sex shop owners, cherry is the most popular flavor of edible underwear. Chocolate is the least popular.

[Cheyanne]

8357

Marilyn Monroe, the most celebrated sex icon of the 20th century, confessed to a friend that despite her three husbands and a parade of lovers, she had never had an orgasm.

[Cheyanne]

8358

The female bedbug has no sexual opening. To get around this dilemma, the male uses his curved penis to drill a vagina into the female.

[Cheyanne]

8359

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time television were Fred and Wilma Flintstone.

[Cheyanne]

8360

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

[Cheyanne]

8361

For every 'normal' webpage, there are five porn pages

[Cheyanne]

8362

The word "fuck" is actually an acronym. It dates back to the Good Old Days, when England was severely underpopulated due to the usual combination of fire/war/plague, and the King issued an official order to... well, fuck, to replenish the population. Hence the phrase "Fornicate Under Command of the King" passed into everyday language.

[Cheyanne]

8363

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes. A pig's penis is shaped like a corkscrew and it is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky...unless of course, you played 'pig-tipping'.

[Cheyanne]

8364

A medical study conducted in Pennsylvania showed that people who have sex once or twice a week have their immune systems boosted slightly.

[Cheyanne]

8365

Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up(if you use a condom). It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers!

[Cheyanne]

8366

Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being.

[Cheyanne]

8367

Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM

(Would really like to see the studies on this one and on #8366) :D

[Cheyanne]

8368

Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up.

[Cheyanne]

8369

Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. :hot:

[Cheyanne]

8370

A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

Ahhhhhhhhhhchoooooooooooooo! :D

[Cheyanne]

8371

Little Johnny Strikes Again.. lol

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining this to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did.


The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother.


"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he started hugging and kissing her I figured 'Sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. this is when her fever started.


I knew it was a fever, because 'Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick -- a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it she got really scared -- her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she'd ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down by the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis was brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again.


Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out.


Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats -- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.

[Cheyanne]

8372

Oral sex is on the rise amongst 12-14 year olds in the US and most believe that it is not in fact a sexual practice

[Cheyanne]

8373

More than 60% of Australian males interviewed for the 1999 Durex Global Sex Survey said they prefer the woman to make the first move or to initiate the topic of sex

[Cheyanne]

8374

Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

[Cheyanne]

8375

Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

[Cheyanne]

8376


Actual Hospital chart bloopers

Taken from actual hospital charts….

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused autopsy.

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (Ouch!!!)

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. (This chart was framed and now hangs on his wall. No pun intended.)

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. (He was a lawyer before)

Skin: somewhat pale but present.

The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

[Cheyanne]

8377

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side…You know what?”

“What dear?” she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

“I think you’re bad luck, why don’t you fuck off.”

[Cheyanne]

8378

If you lived as a child in the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s or 70’s:

Looking back, it’s hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have…

As children, we had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or
cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. And we’d ride
in cars with no seatbelts or airbags. Occasionally a kid would drink a bottle
of pills or fly through a window, but hey, they aren’t around to wax philosophical about their childhood, now are they?

Those classic cars got about six miles to the gallon, by the way, damaging the environment and making the air unbreathable…

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank sugar soda but we were never fat. We sure are now. 56% of us are overweight, and another 13% are grossly obese…

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, video games at all, 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, Personal Computers, Internet chat rooms…we had really cool stuff like goldfish eating, sock hops, pet rocks, and practicing “duck and cover”.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s home and knocked on the door, or rung the bell or just walked in and talked to them.

Imagine such a thing. Without asking a parent! By ourselves! Out there in the cold cruel world! Without a guardian. How did we do it?

As parents ourselves, we maintain absolute control over our own children,
monitoring and filtering their consumption of said video games, movies, phones, computers, and chat rooms, denying them even a semblance of freedom or independence.

When we were kids, good ole “Jim Crow” laws barred Negros from access
to employment and to public places such as restaurants, hotels, and other facilities…

A woman’s place was in the home. If she was working, she was expected to be a secretary, a stewardess, or a nurse. Of course, she was paid almost nothing compared to a man…

Polio was rampant, killing thousands of fellow Americans and and disabling tens of thousands of others every year…

Remember polio?

We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it. Like that one boy down the block who liked other boys…we kicked his ass good.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t, like girls, who can’t throw or catch, had to learn to deal with disappointment…. Some students, such as the colored children, weren’t as smart as others so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade…horrors!

Racially-biased tests were not adjusted for any reason.

This generation has produced some of the most self-congratulatory, responsibility-avoiding, hypocritical bunch of crybabies ever. In 50 years we had an explosion of “me-ism,” greed, myopia, and self-indulgence. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we squandered most of it in pursuit of our own self-interests.

And you’re one of them.

Congratulations!

[dicksbro]

8379 and LMAO Cheyanne

[dicksbro]

8380

[Cheyanne]

8381

;) Glad you like dicksbro

[Cheyanne]

8382

Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.

[Cheyanne]

8383

Q: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
A: 1 U.S. leader

[Cheyanne]

8384

Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.

[Cheyanne]

8385

Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.

[Cheyanne]

8386

Q: Why did Raggedy Ann get thrown out of the toy box?
A: She kept sitting on Pinocchio's face, and moaning, "Lie to me!"

[Cheyanne]

8387

Q: Why is air a lot like sex?
A: Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

[Cheyanne]

8388

Q: Why are Monica Lewinsky's cheeks so puffy?
A: She's withholding evidence.

[Cheyanne]

8389

Q: What's the difference between light and hard?
A: You can sleep with a light on.

[Cheyanne]

8390

Q: Why is sex like a bridge game?
A: You don't need a partner if you have a good hand.

[Cheyanne]

8391

Q: What's the height of conceit?
A: Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

[Cheyanne]

8392

This is an actual company memo... lol

In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective immediately, a Restroom Trip Policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of all employees.

Under the policy a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given twenty Restroom Trip Credits. These credits may be accumulated.

Within four to six weeks, the entrance doors to all restrooms are being equipped with personal identification stations and computer- linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of the month each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to the Human Resources Department. The voice print recognition station will be operational but not restrictive during the entire month. Employees should acquaint themselves with the stations during that period.

If the employee's Restroom Trip Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restrooms will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with time paper roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty-seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the bulletin board located in the Employee Relations Office. Anyone's picture showing up three times will immediately be terminated. If you have any questions about this policy, please ask your supervisor. They have all received advanced instructions

[Cheyanne]

8393

Another memo.... lol

Subject: Company’s Position on "Streaking"
To: All Employees

The Management Has Adapted The Following:

1. Streaking will be permitted as follows: Female employees will streak on odd days, Male on even days. On payday, all employees may streak subject to the following:

2. Girls who have tattoos on the lower half of their bodies such as "sock it to me" or "What you see is what you get" will not be permitted to streak. Men with tattoos such as "Let it all hang out" will not be permitted to streak. Also, men with tattoos of butterflies, roses, or elves will streak with females.

3. Junior executives may carry briefcases while streaking, however, the usual rule applies --- Junior executives may never carry any business papers, but may carry the usual such as a box of Kleenex, lunch, wife's shopping list and playboy magazines, etc.

4. Girls with busts size larger than 36B must wear a bra while in the shop area or around any moving machinery. Girls with bust sizes smaller than 36B should not try to impress people by wearing a bra.

5. If you streak in any area where food is served, you must wear two hairnets. These will be available in the vending machines in the cafeteria.

6. In the event your physical make-up is such that your sex cannot be determined, such as flat chest for girls or long hair on boys you must wear a tag stating "I am a boy" or "I am a girl". Tags will be attached on girls with hairpins or paper clips, on boys with rubber bands; please return paper clips and rubber bands to stationary supplies after you have finished streaking.

7. Girls may wear jewelry while streaking but in no event should they bend over to retrieve it should it fall. (Due to insurance regulations).

8. No female beyond her seventh month of pregnancy or those wishing to become pregnant may streak.

9. No mixed streaking in dark hallways, broom closets, or under desks.

10. When streaking, do not tailgate.

Signed: The Management

[Cheyanne]

8394

Wanting Breakfast in Bed............

John woke up one morning with an enormous erection so he turned over to his wife's side of the bed. His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little
boy into the room and asked him to bring it to his wife. The note read:

The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed.

Heather answered the note and then asked her son to bring it to her husband. The note read:

Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today.

John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply. Then, he asked his son to bring it to his wife. The note read:

The Tent Pole's Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You're Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head.

Heather answered the note and then asked her son to bring it to her husband. The note read:

I'm Sure That Your Pole's
The Best In The Land.
But I'm Busy Right Now,
So Do It By Hand!

[Cheyanne]

8395

Variations of Murphy's Law... lol

1. The Law of Common Sense: Never accept a drink from a urologist.

2. The Law of Reality: Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

3. The Law of Self Sacrifice: When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

4. The Law of Volunteering: If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

5. The Law of Avoiding Oversell: When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

6. The Law of Motivation: Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

7. Boob's Law: You always find something in the last place you look.

8. Wailer's Law: Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

9. Law of Probable Dispersal: Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

10. Law of Volunteer Labor: People are always available for work in the past tense.

11. Conway's Law: In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

12. Iron Law of Distribution: Them that has, gets.

13. Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There is always one more bug.

14. Law of Drunkenness: You can't fall off the floor.

15. Heeler's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists.

16. Osborne's Law: Variables won't; constants aren't.

17. Main's Law: For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

18. Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

[Cheyanne]

8396

TOP TEN TIMES IN HISTORY, WHEN USING THE "F" WORD WAS APPROPRIATE

10th - "Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!" -Noah, 4314 BC

9th - "How the @#$% did you work that out?" -Pythagorus, 126 BC

8th - "You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?" -Michelangelo, 1566

7th - "Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?" -Custer,1877

6th - "It does so @#$%ing look like her!" -Picasso,1926

5th - "Where the @#$% are we?" -Amelia Earhart, 1937

4th - "Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that." -Einstein, 1938

3rd - "What the @#$% was that?" -Mayor Of Hiroshima,1945

2nd - "I need this parade like I need a @#$%ing hole in the head!"
* JFK,1963

And,.....drum roll....... The number 1 most appropriate time for using the "F" word.................

1st - "Aw c'mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?"- Bill Clinton,1997

[Cheyanne]

8397

Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary:

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiney.

SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials & Anna Nicole's show are prime examples.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.

404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks.

CROP DUSTING: Surreptitiously farting while passing thru a cube farm, then enjoying the sounds of dismay and disgust; leads to PRAIRIE DOGGING.

[Cheyanne]

8398

LOL.. only 148 more posts to go til 1000!!! Can you all bear with me some more??? lol

:jump:

[Christine]

# 8399

You go girl!

[Christine]

#8400

[Cheyanne]

8401

Whoo HOoooooooooooooo!!! Thanks Christine.. :D



Originally posted by Christine
# 8399

You go girl!


:p :p :p :p

[MilkToast]

8402

[MilkToast]

I've got some time to kill... so whilst having a nice cup of Java here are some facts about coffe (again, I pulled these from the web... so they might not all be factual facts (how's that for redundancy twice?)).

--8403--

[MilkToast]

A cup of drip brewed coffee has 115 mg of caffeine, an espresso has about 80 mg, instant coffee has about 65 mg, and decaffeinated coffee has about 3 mg.

--8404--

[MilkToast]

The word "tip" is also related to coffee. It comes from old London coffeehouses where the waiters' brass boxes were etched with the inscription, "To Insure Promptness."

--8405--

[MilkToast]

The US Navy used to serve alcoholic beverages on board ships. However when Admiral Josephus "Joe" Daniels became Chief of Naval Operations, he outlawed alcohol on board ships, except for very special occasions. Coffee then became the drink of choice, hence the term "Cup of Joe".

--8406--

[MilkToast]

The world's costliest coffee, at $130-$300 a pound , is called Kopi Luwak. It is in the droppings of a type of marsupial that eats only the very best coffee beans. Plantation workers track them and scoop their precious poop.
--8407--

[MilkToast]

A Starbucks tall mocha contains 510 calories and 27 g. of fat. That is more fat than 3 bags of M&Ms. Even the soy milk version has 290 calories and 12 grams of fat.

--8408--

[MilkToast]

Sprinkle dried coffee grounds outside doors and cracks. Coffee deters ants.

--8409--

[MilkToast]

The first European coffee was sold in pharmacies in 1615 as a medicinal remedy.

--8410--

[MilkToast]

Coffee and tea are great cleaning agents. Just a teaspoon or so of coffee or tea mixed with water can be used to dissolve grease and oil. Don't try this on anything you don't want stained, though.

--8411--

[MilkToast]

Coffee plants grown in the shade can produce bean crops for up to 50 years, while sun grown coffee plants produce crops for only 10 to 15 years.

--8412--

[MilkToast]

If you lined up side by side every cup of coffee sold by Dunkin' Donuts in one day, the line would stretch 85.23 miles.

--8413--

[MilkToast]

Individuals who drink coffee regularly may have less response to the effects of caffeine than those who seldom drink coffee.

--8414--

[MilkToast]

According to Archives of General Medicine, coffee drinkers have sex more frequently and enjoy it more than non-coffee drinkers.

--8415--

[MilkToast]

Originally, coffee beans were used as a food and not as a beverage. East African tribes would grind the coffee cherries together, mix it into a paste with animal fat, then roll it into little balls. The mixture was said to give warriors much-needed energy for battle.

--8416--

[MilkToast]

Finland consumes the most coffee per capita at 12.82 kg.

--8417--

[MilkToast]

How much do you NEED that cup of coffee? In 1683 William Penn spent $4.68 on a pound of coffee in New York. (That amount translates to $108.11 in 2001!)

--8418--

[Cheyanne]

Originally posted by MilkToast
The world's costliest coffee, at $130-$300 a pound , is called Kopi Luwak. It is in the droppings of a type of marsupial that eats only the very best coffee beans. Plantation workers track them and scoop their precious poop.
--8407--

8419

:o :o :( :(

[MilkToast]

With more than 25 million people employed in the industry, coffee is second only to oil in world trade.

--8420--

[MilkToast]

According to the National Safety Council, coffee is not successful at sobering up a drunk person, and in many cases it may actually increase the adverse effects of alcohol.

--8421--

[MilkToast]

The darker the coffee bean, then the less caffeine. The longer the bean is roasted, the more the caffeine gets cooked away.

--8422--

[MilkToast]

Did you know that on average, a coffee tree produces 1-2 lbs. of coffee beans per year?

--8423--

[MilkToast]

2.4 billion pounds of coffee are sold per year in the United States.

--8424--

(that's a heck of a lot of trees needed to grow that much coffee!!!!)

[MilkToast]

In plants, caffeine acts as a natural bug repellent.

--8425--

[MilkToast]

The vast majority of coffee is harvested by hand.

--8426--

[MilkToast]

Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.

--8427--

[MilkToast]

The heavy tea tax imposed on the colonies in 1773, which caused the "Boston Tea Party," resulted in America switching from tea to coffee. Drinking coffee was an expression of freedom.

--8428--

(I am pretty sure that the "Boston Tea Party" was a little more than just about tea taxes, but the factoid is amusing none the less)

[MilkToast]

A survey of Americans showed that coffee was the most memorable smell followed by peanut butter and Vick's Vaporub.

--8429--

(what! how come crayons did not make the list?!?)

[MilkToast]

Average costs to consume beverages in the home: coffee $0.05, milk $0.16, bottled water $0.25, orange juice $0.79, beer $0.44, soft drinks $0.13, table wines $1.30.

--8430--

[MilkToast]

Regular coffee drinkers have about 1/3 less asthma symptoms than those of non-coffee drinkers according to a Harvard researcher who studied 20,000 people.

--8431--

[MilkToast]

Cafes/coffee houses were originally (since the 1900s) known as "Penny Universities," providing real education and promoting Enlightenment ideals.

--8432--

[MilkToast]

Caffeine, the chemical substance that causes the stimulant effect of coffee, peaks in the blood 15 - 45 minutes after drinking a cup.

The effects of the caffeine may persist for hours. The clearance of caffeine from the body is slowed by pregnancy, medications such as cimetidine (Tagamet), birth control pills, and is sped up by smoking.

--8433--

[MilkToast]

The name coffee comes from the Arabic word qahwah, meaning wine, and not from the town of Kaffa, in Ethiopia (Abyssinia), as many writers have supposed.

--8434--

[MilkToast]

Coffee was first mentioned in literature by Rhazes, an Arabian physician.

--8435--

[MilkToast]

The first Parisian cafe opened in 1689.

--8436--

[MilkToast]

In the year 1763 there were over 200 coffee shops in Venice.

--8437--

[MilkToast]

For reducing wrinkles and improving their skin, the Japanese have been known to bathe in coffee grounds fermented with pineapple pulp.

--8438--

[MilkToast]

Coffee sacks are usually made of hemp and it takes over 600,000 beans to fill a coffee sack.

--8439--

[MilkToast]

57% of all coffee is consumed at breakfast.

--8440--

[MilkToast]

Brazil & Colombia grow more than 70% of the worlds supply of Arabica coffee beans.

After planting, Arabica trees mature in 3-4 years, when they produce their first crop.

Arabica trees can produce fruit for 20-30 years.

--8441--

[MilkToast]

37% of coffee drinkers drink their coffee black.

--8442--

[MilkToast]

You can use coffee or tea to tenderize meat, flavor liquor, and color eggs (to make them look roasted or marbled).

--8443--

[MilkToast]

Our knowledge of coffee is about 1,000 years old.

The use of coffee as a beverage is about 700 years old.

--8444--

[MilkToast]

A Saudi Arabian woman may divorce her husband if he refuses to give her coffee.

--8445--

[MilkToast]

According to Dr. Bruce Ames, University of California at Berkeley, there are more than 1,000 chemicals in a cup of coffee. Of these, only 26 have been tested, and half caused cancer in rats.

--8446--

Of course, when you inject a rat with half it's body wieght of any substance it will likely cause cancer... sorry, I just do not put a lot of credibility in many studies that are done.

[MilkToast]

Goats actually discovered the coffee plant. Their shepherd noticed that they were getting very hyper; therefore, one day, he followed their every move, and found out that they were eating a strange berry that was keeping them awake all day and night.

--8447--

[MilkToast]

Around the year 1000 AD, Ethiopians concocted a type of wine from coffee berries, fermenting the dried beans in water.

--8448--

[MilkToast]

Coffee is actually a fruit.

--8449--

[MilkToast]

The average American adult consumes over 10 lbs. of coffee per year.

--8450--

[MilkToast]

Raw coffee beans, soaked in water and spices, are chewed like candy in parts of Africa.

--8451--

[MilkToast]

On a typical day in the U.S. approximately 49% of the population drinks coffee.

--8452--

[MilkToast]

The faster the brewing method, the finer you should grind your coffee beans.

--8453--

[MilkToast]

Pope Clement VIII was the first to baptize coffee and make it a true Christian beverage.

--8454--

[MilkToast]

Add one-quarter to one-half teaspoon of instant coffee to spaghetti sauce. Coffee gives store-bought spaghetti sauce brown coloring and a less acidic flavor.

--8455--

[MilkToast]

Caffeine is the most widely used stimulant in the world.

--8456--

[MilkToast]

In Turkey, in the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries, anyone caught drinking coffee was put to death.

--8457--

[MilkToast]

Green coffee beans nearly double in size during roasting.

--8458--

[MilkToast]

Finely grinding coffee beans and boiling them in water is still known as "Turkish Coffee."

--8459--

[MilkToast]

75% of all the caffeine consumed in the U.S. is coffee.

--8460--

[MilkToast]

well... I am out of coffee facts (and have an empty coffee cup)... so that will be all for now :)

8461

[Sharni]

#8462

[Sharni]

#8463

[Sharni]

#8464

[Sharni]

#8465

[Sharni]

#8466

[Sharni]

#8467

[Sharni]

#8468

[Sharni]

#8469

[Sharni]

#8470

[Sharni]

#8471

[Sharni]

#8472

[Sharni]

#8473

[Sharni]

#8474

[Sharni]

#8475

[Sharni]

#8476

[Sharni]

#8477

[Sharni]

#8478

[Sharni]

#8479

[Sharni]

#8480

[Sharni]

#8481

[Sharni]

#8482

[celticangel]

8483

[Sharni]

#8484

[Sharni]

#8485

[Cheyanne]

8486

Heya Sharni!!! :D

[Sharni]

#8487

[Sharni]

#8488

[Sharni]

#8489

[Sharni]

#8490

[Sharni]

#8491

[Sharni]

#8492

[Sharni]

#8493

[Sharni]

#8494

[Sharni]

#8495

[Sharni]

#8496

[Sharni]

#8497

[Sharni]

#8498

[Sharni]

#8499